SNAKE BITES

The world is such. Politics surrounds. Everyone is searching for an identity, a place where they can be crowned and recognized. And some would go miles to hurt someone just so their butts will be up.

I guess its something we can never run from. Everyone is fighting for their rights. Everyone wants to be treated right. Even if it means telling a lie and busting someone’s butt. I do wonder how people could take these steps without feeling any conviction within their hearts. Yet here I am thinking of them more than myself than playing the game that is hanging down their fishing line. They would step on anyone who is willing to be stepped upon. That’s why their baits are there for. Who would be the next fool stupid enough to bite? They test ya water and they test your mind. They look for loopholes where they can be crowned. Even if it means cooking up a story just so they wear the halo and make sure u find ya ass in the dumps. It leaves me with this thought that there is no mercy when the crocodile decides to surround. They fuck without any emotions or feelings as long as they cum. You feel me? The nature of this crocodiles. I care for myself and no one. Its for my own pleasure and no ones. As long as I CUM!

Can we blame them? I guess they have their reasons for turning into such bloodsuckers. Yet do I think they have an excuse to fuck around? Nope but yet when I look through their eyes. I realized, they must have been fucked really hard once only to find themselves wearing the same shoes they were hurt by.

Does that give me a reason to turn into them? I don’t think so. And I dread so.

They just helped me grow up and realize how the closest people or people who seems to be supporting you could just turn around and bite you right into ya arse and still say “I love you” right out. The two faced serpents they call it.

I don’t want to find my heart cold and unfeeling towards people. The one thing that I have never been up for is boot licking just to get my ass in the crowd. I have always spoke my mind and let it be known when I am un happy. Yet there are times when I just have to shut up to save my own ass at times. But to the point of hurting and throwing someone’s ass on the line just so I can smile? I don’t think so. Its cruel yet i guess this is how the working world runs. No one is gonna kiss your ass just so you can smile. Everyone is fighting for their rights. My conclusion to myself will be I guess, just fight the way I deem right and not the way others deem right. It’s a hard world out here. We just got to know how to play our game right yet honestly at times I find it hard to hurt another one just so I get my ass on the line. Ouch. Would I be right to say, I am force to bite? I disagree much. My conscience and person won’t allow. I guess I just will have to fight the good fight with an evident bite.

MY CONFESSION: Sometimes i can't help but wonder if i am fooling myself with this perception of mine.

It would be great to have ya input on this. I would like to know more on ya count.

Note: excuse my language at some points.

Enough is Enough

It happened. My last straw is finally up and I gave her a piece of my mind. The only reason I was shutting up is because I was keeping in mind, our working relationship and the fact that she is my workmate. Plus, my personality is such where I find ways to work things out before coming to a conclusion of a walk out. But if the other party is unwilling to clap than I am sorry for them and wish them luck. Yes I am pretty kind. My anger doesn’t really go a mile most times. I get over it and could smile at the person again in a short while. There are moments when the horns stay longer than the halo up. Guess I am getting in the routine to think for myself more. Plus, it takes two hands to clap doesn’t it? I don’t want to reconcile if the other party can’t get over it, accept me or trust me. I Would rather say so long than and move on. Some people are worth the kick and some the keeps. There is only a limit to everything.

My tolerance level could possibly be high but not to the point of seeing her overriding my pride. I seriously adore the “four lettered word” much at that particular time. She must have took me for a ball with the fact that I am tolerating with her attitude ringing over my head big time. She wasn’t giving any ear to me. So I shot an email to readjust her facial expressions and put her in her place. And of course, I did with careful note of my words incase the email tosses around. Sides, you can just imagine how all the explicit words are rolling out in my mind. I felt like a gangster in heels who is really tempted to beat the shit out. Now don’t take me for a abuser or something. That was just an expression. But there sure were mo ments where I did play certain scenes where I screamed my nuts out till I left her bald and crying out loud. It’s a very high school thought and yeah Thank God for my right mind and the awareness on how I got to take care of my nuts in an environment like this. It’s a war at times.

This post is in relation to the post:The Green Eye or Just pure hate me?

Have a good week ahead everyone.

In Good Company

I spent my time in good company yesterday night. It was one of those amazing nights that would go into the collection of my brain's memory card.Something that would cause me to turn back and savour after some time. The ambience was awesome. We sat by the river after dinner savouring Hot Fudge Sundae down our throats with our "Oohs and Ahhs" teasing ourselves with its sounds. haha. There is just a way to eat ice creams sometimes. And you seriously would like to be concious of how you lick the spoons. You just never know who you are turning on. Thats one reason you hardly find me licking an ice-cream cone on the streets. Am embarass somewhat and i guess that its all in the mind.Ok am sidetracking now. Back to our "Oohs and Ahhs" and ambience.

The Ambience

The passing sounds of boats and a far away live band was good enough to add to the magical touch. You know how i go crazy about music esp a live band. It has always been my thing to want to watch a live band play. And Ironicly that night, they were playing all the songs i like. No kidding people. It was an awesome touch with the wondeful company that was by my side. It was amazing with people walking around plus the night lights shining around. It feels like the night has come alive. It was a beautiful time and the ambience adds to our flavour big time but yet it was the company that gave a good wrap up. Now, just some thoughts in relation to my night coming right up.

The Relationship

Do you notice that there is so much about and within a person that goes unspoken many times? There is just something about a relationship when two people collides with an understanding of one another. When you’ve been together for a long time. Seen each other’s sticky moments, insecurities and bad moments that sucked at that point of time. But when all these pass, you find that you guys are still humans and adore each other to the point of laughing at those moments that once burst ya pipe. Precious people in our lives goes beyond the eyes. Many times we come in veiled eyes. But when comfort, trust, love, hope, understanding and foundation wraps us. We realize that everyone are more than meets their eyes. Everyone has got a story that cries and smiles. Like every human we always strive to the point of frustration sometimes. And like every humans we have fears that bind. Like everyone we have likes and dislikes. And Like everyone we have dreams and desires that we often love to talk about. Yet at the end of these moments, it’s the character that is the end product. The very thing that keep people by your side. Its really admirable as I spent yesterday night in good company. Seeing how we had so much good things to talk, laugh and tease each other about. It takes us a step up and stronger touch. These happens with every bond when two people collide with the reality of two touch yet there is no ruin cause the foundation speaks a louder sound.

PICTURES OF RIVER:

Take a peek. Click.



Pic 1: I was sitting where the buildings are.



Pic 2: I was facing this building on my right somewhat.

Pics: From the internet

Music playing: one of the songs the faraway live band was singing.:P

*Hugs*

Have a good weekend everyone.

Good Morning BOOBIES! Yum!

I am a fan of low neck and V neck tops. You can hardly find me in high necked tops. For some reason they give me the choky feeling. I think its all psychological though. Haha. So neways, yesterday I found myself wearing a low neck top to work which is slightly lower than the usual ones. So yeah I guess its natural that lower necked tops attract unnecessary attention whether I like it or not. I can’t help but wonder if I do have a right to point a finger at the men out there who oogle when I am the one wearing that top. But I realized that I should not be blaming myself since I don’t dress like a slut. And I have also caught men oogleling at woman even when they are covered from head to toe. I guess the fact that you are A WOMAN just activates their hormones like a ticking bomb. Lol! (No offense Guys!I think its naturrralll)

The 3 catergories that seperate them.

1. The normal ones -Those who just glance discreetly.

2. The greeting & starving ones -Those who looks and stares at you as if your boobies are saying “Good morning as breakfast served on a platter”

3. The sweetalker and desperate ones - Those who would pass a cheeky smile, say hi, try get close to you and call you sweet names as if you would give a damn to his cat calls. I noticed, that usually older men fall in this catergory.

Honestly, I can’t help but feel uncomfortable at those who greets goodmorning with their eyes. It just makes me squirm somewhat esp when nothing is showing except the idenity that you are a female species hanging out.

Mr. Mars:

So I have heard lots of comments. Comments where I hear how guys crib about girls are the one asking for it. They assume that woman are wearing t hose things for a reason. And that is attention. And they would roll their eyes at how woman don’t appreciate it and go complaining when they are actually getting what they are suggesting. What would u think of this girls?

Ms. Venus:

My reaction will be nope Mr Mars. You got it all wrong. I believe we woman enjoy attention. Yup true. But there are the correct kind of attention and not the let-me-undress-you-with-my-eyes attention. I am sure you know what I am talking about. As a woman myself I wear v necks tops etc cause I am comfortable, thinks its compliments me and I just plain love it. And also cause I am a vain pot and I want to look good. I do love attention but not the wrong kind of attention. *shrugs

Sides, please don’t tell me I have to be all covered just so I don’t call for any unceccessary gesture. I would stare at you in horror. Sides, its not like I show much skin literally. And its not like all men want us all that covered as well. *raises an eyebrow. Right? Perhaps.

How about those male species? Who would bend lower just to get a good look at ya bosom? They would give that stupid goofy smile and bend lower when they don’t need while talking just so they can get a preview. It sucks worse when ya blouse is not that low. They still try..

I have workmates who would greet us with a morning smile and check out our necklines and stand over us in pretext of talking etc and see if they can get a peek into our blouses. I know nothing about that until a gf told me. If they think its low enough. They would get the preview and pass it on to the rest of the clique to go check it out. How eekie and desperate. I mean seriously there is full blown naked ones in the porn sites ? Just go click on one. Guess it doesn’t beat the real ones huh? Than getting a wife would be a much better option.:) Or maybe you already have one. :O

So its been a question mark over my head for a while. And I’ve been bugged. So now, I wonder what you all feel about these stuffs.

My conclusion:

I have come to a conclusion that man will naturally notice woman. It’s the way they are made I guess. and I guess as a lady I have the responsibility of keeping myself in check and not attracting unnecessary attention. But if I still want to wear it. I probably shouldn’t complain about it. Sides, I don’t have the ability to control how man want to react or if I should shut their eyes for a while. I belive Mr . Mars himself should have the decency to know his limits. I honestly don’t want to show my boobs to the world but also I am not gonna go out covered from head to toe just because of this. Don’t you think its crazy to change my dressing just cause Mars blame it on woman for showing alittle more skin? I find it crazy since a woman all dressed up is still up for oogling session. Oh I don’t know. Argh.

InFo TIme: Did You Know?:O

Did you know that just plainly looking at a woman's breasts for ten minutes can help a man lose weight? Its scientifically proven a gf told me. The hormones reaction within them while looking at it cause the pounds to get lost. Wow..Right. Hmm..

How about you ? What do you think about this? You could probably enlighten me.:)

Treat Your Woman RIGHT!

"No man holds the right to talk down his lady in front of her friends.And no lady should sit down hearing him talk her down like a smitten upset kitten with no vocals. "

It was pretty upsetting watching this happen infront of my eyes. Especially when I know the kitten and don’t think the guy even has the physical attractiveness to talk so much. I wonder whether it’s a jab of security having the liberty to just poke at her in ridiculement or if it makes his balls feels oH so Big to the advancement of his Ego. Honestly, it pissed me off big time. And this is not the first time I have come across this. Just that this time, its right in front of my eyes. I can’t help but feel tempted to put him in the place of dogs that he belongs to. He does not even have the face to talk and he is talking. He was throwing tantrums during the night out and I was just pushing off my buttons cause “enjoyment” was in focus and in respect of him being my gf’s mate. So the night long was me under ice pack of cooling my temperature down when I am so tempted to bust his balls out of proportion. I don’t respect this kinda attitude. Everyone is out to have fun. And the last thing we need is a pathetic matured dude to not know the basic A,B,Cs in behaving himself. It pissed the night & fun big time. What left me more upset is seeing him grow fat cheeks to talk my mate down. I am totally disgusted. Sometimes looking at men grading woman I just wonder whether they forgot to check their own faces in the mirror. And talking down ya own woman? Does it mean u have balls? I would rather you turn gay and pick someone your own size? Don’t ask me why she is still with him. I held my tongue that night and could not help passing a remark when he kept right on at it. I am sure he caught the drift. He shut up.

Now I know why a hot kitten would come to her friends and ask if she looks fine when she is clearly gorgeous and have heads turning around. I am very upset seeing how another ridiculed my friend with her taking it all in with just a pout. I mean seriously, do we want to live with such a man who needs a victim to feel good about himself? I am so pissed and upset. I could possibly be a roaring dragon. Treat your woman right. No one deserves to be treated that way. It killed her esteem. Something is terribly wrong when a gorgeous woman thinks she is ugly. Its heartbreaking to me.

The Freedom Dance

So I’ve been always wanting to get naked, to be naked, to dance naked and just toss and turn naked. It has been one of the wishes of mine to just be bare before the world. To be able to speak my mind. And to be able to just unbutton from top to bottom and finally flash my naked heart open. But I realized, how silly I am to even carry that fantasy of mine into the blogging world. There is no such things as getting naked 100% before the world. How can I ever do that? There are certain things that you can talk about and there are just certain things that you can’t even whisper about. Not that it’s a big time secret. Its about us. The inner person of us that sometimes we ourselves find hard to express,speak about or write about. Have you ever come across that? When certain things are just hard to talk about to ourselves. Where silence is a better option at times and a more wiser option many times. To know when to speak, to share and throw out. I’ve been thinking about this for a while and wondering what is this whole thing about me wanting to dance naked before the world through my words, expression of my world, mind and hearts. *roll eyes* Writing sure is a beautiful thing for me. I love expressing through it. And blogging opened a new door to it. But does that mean I need to dance naked? haha.. What a foolish thought of mine that tickles me now. I realized that, the beauty of my joy, is sharing what I write and my moments of boxing and screaming where therapy helped much.

There is no hard and fast rule for myself on what to blog about. I just blog what I feel in my heart. Whether it’s an issue that does not beat the bush smoothly or an issue that draw many smiles. At the end of the day, I realized that this experience has brought me through a wonderful dance in this life of mine. And talking to a blogmate (Uttsy) on the phone just made me realize that what has been sweeping in my mind this few days has been a wonderful ride that doesn’t take me to bare my soul naked to enjoy my ride. Infact, I can’t even bare my soul 100% even if there was a chance. I believe it’s a struggle that every human takes a ride in. I like the fact that there is a time for everything. Even for things we speak, share and write. But than again there are always room for screw ups. I am taking this step of enjoying my imperfections instead of living in a world of perfections that I found myself drawing up. A world that brought me frustration.

And today I stay with a big smile on my face and a leap of joy within my heart. To realize that blogging or being transparent is all about loving, accepting and receiving myself for who I am no matter what. Even if there are people who can’t stand my dance. My life still goes on. The music should be playing on. And this voice should be singing on. The speciality of being who you are and not another person in town just makes a whole lot of difference to me,myself and i. Somehow i feel like its a celebration. Like Oooh La la. Ya own style of dance, ya own style of smile, ya own style of speech and tantrum each time you stamp your feet out. There may be times i look stupid in your eyes but there also may be times when you can help me grow up. and you had no idea how. The beauty of receiving myself just the way I like. I Am all smiles. Discovering this new lease of life! *hugs*

Tappy tappy dance!:D

Hey guess what?! I came across this test on a mate's (Ishi) blog and decided to take it up.:) Let me in on urs?;)

You Are a Pundit Blogger!

Your blog is smart, insightful, and always a quality read. Truly appreciated by many, surpassed by only a few

What Kind of Blogger Are You?

Me.A "Pundit" Blogger? :O I wonder if its true...hahaha..

My Love Affairs These Days.

Flowers you’re all I am thinking about these days. The scent of your petals resting on the tip of my nose. The colours of your beauty wrapping my soul. The embrace of your reflection embracing my whole. Flowers you are filled with so many colours, the bright ones, the dim ones, the many looks you form yourself in. Do you have any idea how much I’ve been thinking of you these days. I surprise myself much. Haha. Never a day would I think flowers, its colours, the beautiful fresh scent. The dew on its petals, the soft texture, the joy of receiving them outside my door and from someone would be such an overwhelmingly beautiful and embracing joy and thought within my mind. You draw a smile on these lips of mine. And even right now, though I don’t see you around. My nose is hungering to get in touch with your scent right in my arms.Hmmmmm…flowers I am thinking of you so much. A love affair of mine at this moment in time. It Makes me smile wide. Flowers..Such beautiful creation…*smiles* Awwww...Hugs..Yups i can be quite a nut at times.haha..:P

I am wondering...Do You have a love affair with anything you don't mind letting me know about? :)

Drinking Means I am Damned? :O

Getting wasted is wrong but drinking is not wrong to me. I disagreed with a fellow mate recently. And I think she is not really happy about that. I realized that I can’t allow her to try find an alibi in me just so she will feel good & mighty about a judgement she made upon somebody.

I guess different people have different ways of approach and perspective about what is right, wrong, true and a lie when religion comes in. But than again, forcing that little bill they came up with their own perspective over someone and sizing them up is something not very healthy for their souls and relationships i believe. There is a foundation laid when it comes to religion. But compromising it with ya perspective and demanding it’s right upon somebody is not inviting. My friend listed everything that is wrong about drinking from the bible except the very thing that I wanted to hear. She left that out cause it collides with her perspective. Correct me if I am wrong. But I believe the bible did mention something about not getting drunk by indulging in drinking. So drinking considerably and with control is ok I believe. And of course if excess comes into the picture than we all know I would be fooling myself thinking that drinking pleasurably to the point of losing ya self is an okay thingy. Excess has its way of showing. So yeah, nothing is done without any evidence to back its doing.

Besides, if you are really concern about a friend, cares for her life and do really have a problem with her drinking. Let her know or learn to tell her tactfully. After all, all of us don’t fancy being scruntinized, nagged at or having fingers point at us as if we are doom to damnation. There is a way to deal with these things I believe and judging, gossiping about it and giving a wide eye "Oh no u turned satanic "look is really not much of an encouragement I feel. Everyone wants to be loved.

On another note, I can’t pretend or succumb to her idea just because she wants me to. The truth never fails to show its face when the time is appropriate. If I am wrong about my perception of things, I will be taught. And if she is wrong, she will be taught unless of course both of us refused to be taught and would prefer having our nose up so the air will surround and make us feel a little tad mighty. How pathetic! Than I believe life/nature has its way to give us good lessons to teach that nose a little manners,social skills and humbleness if needed.

The idea of this post is not to ridicule God, religion or anything. I am just bringing across a point that has been bugging me for many many months and I am very much disturbed about it. Its creeps me how people make God into something He is not at times. Yeah God is sovereign but He also has something called a heart, wisdom,love, the right way of doing things etc. If putting a judgement over a person to make her feel like the devil’s shit is the right way to teach,encourage or change a person than maybe I am just out of line and have totally lost my ground. But according to my experience, it would be the worst lesson taught in my life. Cause honestly, it makes me want to run far away from all these. I want to be accepted not given the condemning eye with the expectation of “u gotta be Ms. perfectionist or I am a doomed shit. “ That way would be more encouraging to see your point of things and beliefs. I believe when you approach me with a smile and not a frown or a magnifying glass to magnify how filthy I am. I would probably succumb. There is a limit to everything.

I am very careful as I type this. A sensitive topic. Correct me if i am wrong. :)

The Green Eye or just pure hate me?

She gives me the impression that she is jealous or that it aches her the fact, that me and R shares a wonderful time together, are close,teases each other like crazy,have multipe nick names and he shares personal stuffs & thoughts with me. She would never say a good thing about me and in any possible chance she would grab it to shit on me. Every chance to ridicule me in a crude joke is like a sweet tasting opportunity for her. And honestly its getting to me. Sometimes she is nice. Sometimes she is not. But as of late, I see her trying to get a taste of my ass and its raising my temperature nearly to the blow off point to heat the beast in attention.

I am known to laugh things off and not take things to heart usually. Even when it’s a joke that pisses me. I usually hit back with a crude joke, roll my eyes with a “talk to my hand” sign, say wateva or like may God have mercy on you or something. I see no point in making myself look foolish just because someone finds security in poking fun at me. Sometimes I really do think she is sadistic. But yet I don’t think she deserves a damn right in poking fun at me not taking a good look at herself in the mirror first. I am not that lowly and hard hearted to be ridiculing a person’s appearance just to spike back at her though sometimes it gets pretty tempting. Just what is wrong with this girls honestly? Can’t they live in peace? Its not like I am sharing something romantic with him. We just love each other’s presence and company to the point of pure friendship. And he gives her a good amount of attention as well. And if I can deal with it why not her really?And sides, why should it bother her if there is anything? Every male that talks to me bothers her. She runs to claim them as if I am some scheming cat planning to get them and run my hands all over them and snatch them all for me. I mean seriously despite being pretty open minded, I do remember I have such things called “Morals” and I am not that desperate for some male organs really.

I just pray, tat I will not give in to the temptation to spike her ass with darts. I just pray she will stop that rolling eyes, don’t get near my male friends shit. Its been too long. And yeah guess what? She is trying to hitch me up with one of her boys which is not really a flattering thought to me. Poor guy. I hope he does not drink in all her lies that I have a thing for him. Sides he bought lunch and delivered to me personally.(She asked him to do that btw) I really don’t know what to think of it. He stood there waiting to watch me eat. What am I do? And just than my friend came by. And as I was asking him to join me. He actually literally came, opened my food up, used my spoon and digged in. I wonder what would her immediate expression be if she saw him sharing my food with me. And that poor guy stood there in shock watching him eat my food that he shyly brought to me. I wonder what are in their minds really? And why is she being such a Witch! Haiz..Crazy…I am getting sick of this and it upsets me. :(

W.O.R.T.H

A Monday without the blues is hard to come by. And I am living it right now. Its amazing how little moments and peoples’ presence can just make your day shine brighter than it is. Small little things like getting a gift for someone , spending time with the family, laughing our heads off over a video we took seven years ago (All of us LOOK soo Different. Including me!), eating together etc. Its amazing when I opened my eyes a little bigger and notice the many beautiful things in my life that I left unnoticed for a while. Its amazing when love is present around, in the hearts and you see it flowing out. And sometimes time, busyness, a troubled mind, laziness, paranoial and grudges steal all these little moments away from us and lead us into living a miserable life. And the lie that we are not good enough or that nobody love us and that we are meant to live a boring lonely life just deceives us. And to find the many things slipped off my hands because I don’t pay attention or believe enough was definitely a wonderful door opened up to a new pair of eyes.

Its amazing how i came to realize the time people waste (including me) in thinking or pondering about things that don’t matter or should not even earn a place in their row of thoughts that align. And that’s something that made me smile. To realize the importance of gaining ownership over the thoughts that I let into my precious mind. Cause what you think is what you become. And I believe that statement to be very true. Cause I see it manifest in my own life. And also realizing my worth as a person makes me smile and realize the importance of celebrating me/my worth and making use of every opportunity that open its door up. How exciting! *big smiles*

To believe I am am special, beautiful, capable and talented would be a big mountain overcomed. To step over and push beyond my boundaries would cause my feet to reach the height that hits beyond my mind. Believing and loving myself is so important I realized. It could make my world go round as long as I am on the right path and think right. Its important what I let in my life and let out. Every single sound has a melody of its kind. Some are bad and some are good. Its for me to decide. After all I am the owner of my own mind, heart and life I have to decide whats good and bad for my life. I matter much and so does everyone.

My Weekend Getaway

I posted a post this morning and realized what a waste of energy and time I invested in coming up with such a pointless post that speaks of a situation that doesn’t seem to have any ending and me just sitting on it pointing fingers when by right I should really do something about me and this brain of mine that keeps rolling dice with the same number still showing up. How pathetic! Some of you may have passed by it and some of you may not even have a clue about it. I deleted it seeing no point in my ramblings and what a silly toot it made me look like complaining about the same old thing/situation allowing the toss of its wind to beat me around like a tree with no backbone to reach or at least a foundation to speak. How embarrassing…

The fact that the situation affected me just shows how it still bothers me or in short I am still not over it. Excess baggage still lurking looking down at me giving me the puss in the boots eyes cause I have been taking them for wonderful roller coaster rides with their wonderful wees and ahhhs singing in glee whereas rustrating, suffocating, immobilizing, numbing and stupidifying me. So I figured I am taking a weekend get away to look into it. I guess a weekend alone is not good enough to totally get rid of all that is in. But at least to set a paper down, write my objectives, the things that are getting in my way, things I want in my life and things that really do me no good that I should really dump into the bin for a good irreversisble trip with a no entry sign and go figure sign written out big.

Guess that’s a start for me. A weekend get away for the sweet,sticky and chewy lady . I guess I will be back to keep my blog informed if the list was indeed filled and if she has started walking the talking by bringing the pen alive filled.

And not to forget, I just want to thank everyone for their comments, sharing their hearts and mind for the last post. Some of ur comments did awaken me.

A better insight into my Get Away? Click to enlarge. ;)



A Quote to leave with:

"Baggage is beautiful when bad experiences and choices are stepping stones." - Robert J. Elliot

Have a good weekend all. See u after the first part of my baggage clearance.

Have Fun!

Footprints Speak a Better & Stronger Word.

My life seems to carry a cycle where the past shows its face just when I am about to take a step up and finally walk pass. The faces of people in the past, situation, wishes etc. I guess I have a choice if I want to entertain it or throw it away. If I want to allow it to dwell within my mind thinking or just once again walk pass and call its day. I have done that many times. Call its hey day yet sometimes it leaves me puzzle how things just comes around to say “hey again.” Can we ever comprehend things that happen down the footprints we took once? I wonder or maybe not always. But I do believe that we are given the right to decide whether we want to take the situation by the bull’s horn, tackle it, win the case or just let it take me for a roller coaster ride that has proved itself unworthy and a waste of time most days.

There are many times when I find denial sitting in its place without me noticing it much or at least admitting it surrounds. I think its time to stop my merry go round and come face to face with the issues that affect me much. Be it a lover from the past, a present denial that disturbs me much or my next step where I believe light will surround. Sometimes I think that words are better off well said when there are footprints left to proves its day. And now I am just looking at myself and asking if I would do the same? To walk its day instead of write and talk of its date. At the end of the day, it’s the choices I make and the steps I take that will make what and who I am gonna be the very next day. Its up to me to make my day. ;)

My Personal Bookmark

To be able to share with someone the innermost thoughts within your heart without fearing what he thinks within his heart and mind would be one of the most greatest blessing upon this heart of mine. The communication that runs and never seems to dry. The liberty we faced that would lift each one of us up. To know without speech when one is feeling down and something is up. To approach and to ask why and yet not probe much. To not demand. To look into her eyes and know something is not right despite her effort to try to hide underneath a smile. This thing called chemistry that binds and forms something called relationship is just practically amazing. To know the beats of each heart and sense when the tide is down. To know each one is special in his/her own right. To be there as an accepting arm.

Someone whom you can see eye to eye and not lie about how you feel inside. To hide away ya eyes and yet him sensing something is not right. To hold ya hand and just smile. Hold ya head against his heart as he whispers encouragement while you try to be strong in your own heart and hold back those tears incase you look silly when you cry. The final moments of feeling his fingertips top ya nose with a cheeky smile and a wink to say you are a strong lady inside.He always believed in ya and you vice versa. How do you define such communication that seems so bizzare? Something that is hard to find or define.Something that knocked on ya door and left you standing wide eyes and in awe with the smiles that wrapped up.

To know when you don’t want to talk about things and just wanna have a laugh at the corniest things in life. To be able to share that laugh with someone and to be able to stand with that someone and to cheer him on as well. To not ridicule each other or speak each other down but to listen for a while and lend a hand to lift each other up. A disagreement just brought things tighther than the last. To have that friendship as a foundation and an after take that goes one step up. Would a label corrupt its magical touch? Would a label change things the way they are? Sometimes it just feels so good to remain the way you are where nothing collides yet life is such where there is a moment of grace and a moment where reality bites. There is just something when two hearts beat as one. Something overwhelming to the point of making you miss it much. You wonder if u will ever find it again in your life.You stand there still wondering if you would like to get entangled anyhow. But you have to agree, that you miss it very very much.

The best relationship you can ever find youself living in is one where two people compliment each other much. Where the heart soars to reach each others dream knowing there is someone standing right behind cheering those wings to fly each time it falls down. And to draw a smile when your smile is down. Someone there to leave a bookmark in your life and words that stands concrete until now.

Who am I to Judge?

Everyone is entitled to an opinion or perception of things. Everyone has their own mindsets. Its either they flow it together with a crowd or just own their own somewhat. And of course those that do not fall under their catergory of thought life falls out into the ‘judgement’ line which basically is close to killing someone they were supposedly suppose to build up, love and encourage much. Somehow that was the very thing that struck me out of the boots that I was putting on at one point of time. The feeling of feeling so boxed up without any air to breathe. I gave myself some time to take out cause I somehow knew I am not feeling an alignment right. I walked out with excuses and lies. And I head into this new path that helped me grow up. I saw a new light yet still standing with a blurry heart and still weighing what is right and not. I left something that people demands is the right thing for me to do at that point of time. I am sure it is the right thing to do at that point of time. But the limits that I have been put into frustrated me much. I felt if I wasn’t doing something with my heart than I might as well don’t lie to myself and work out the reasons if I am right on the step I walked out. I can’t lie to myself and I can’t live just for the sake of people not casting me the eye that condemn. That’s right. I have come to this point where I just don’t really give a damn and sometimes do secretly wish I can give them a piece of my own mind.

Just one thing I am sure about is knowing what i placed my heart on and choose to believe is real and right. And that does not change the decision that I made at one point of my life. I just wonder why people make it so hard to walk the path by constraining themselves with a list of dos’ and don’ts when sometimes that is the very thing that chain their necks and cause them to not live fully as they were supposedly called to.. Living according to rules can be as frustrating as living life just as it is. Is it God who makes it hard? Nah. I believe its people around who think they have a right to judge who makes it darn hard. Its not like they are wrong totally seriously. Its just that sometimes I wish they would rest their shoulders, head and just take some time to look at the bigger picture instead of creating the do’s and don’ts list that seems to be suffocating people much. I am upset.

There are moments where I just want to take cold showers to cleanse my own mind. But i realise i do have a right to weigh things that i choose to let into my mind and out. And at the same time speak my heart out when i deem right perhaps.

It all about Me now whether U like it or not.

Yeah thats right. Its a new blog i have here. I have no idea how long this is gonna last though. Lets hope long. I am not gonna go on a spree to upset people like when i shut down my other blog that was with a totally different account the last time. A few people got upset. I made one cry etc. So yeah, this time i am keeping it simple. Just me, myself and I and may be a few others if they must. I never thought i would retreat being the person i am. Like gee..turning back and taking the back steps but whatever it is. I don't think i should beat myself up too much. Its just a blog mind ya! *roll eyes*

I guess first tries or rides are always worth it ain't it? You just know what you want in ya next game, play or journey in life. But than again, you do get hit by the same truck again twice. I once heard a pretty common statement on how twice means "SHAME ON YA." I kinda agree with that and somehow i think sometimes this kinda shout outs do wake people like me up. I like that quote much and it works for me well many times. Ok so here listen. I hear my mind speaking out loud and my fingers and lips itching to say it out. I am not here to please anyone. Just me,myself and I. So if neone can't stand me. The doorway named "exit" would very much be a wonderful hop out. Yup you heard me right. I dun want to entangle myself in petty shit and wateva you call it. I just needed a time out. A space to myself where i can just feel free to speak my mind. I don't like feeling restricted and i was feeling restricted that i lose the point of me even writing out stuff. I just want to be whateva my emotions wishes to play at an appointed time and seriously who are you to judge? SUCK! I am not sure if neone will be happy to read this. At least those who once knew me. I really do wonder what happen to the kind sweet girl that once lived out. She seems to be faded in the background. She has her timings to shine. And now is probably not it. There u go. I am speaking my mind out.

Its my choice if i want to do this and that or wateva. Though ya shout out would be very much appreciated. Just don't make it too much. I am not sure if i will tolerate shit at this season in time.