Exciting scenes, readers: the World Cup is nearly upon us and England - it's official - aren't rubbish after all. Three match-winning perfs from Colly in Oz suddenly sent the world crazy and had David Graveney - ambitiously - asking for hacks to apologise for being nasty to coach Fletcher over the Ashes.
We covered that last time. (Roughly, in the words of SPIN's own George Dobell, winning the CB Series after losing the Ashes was like losing your legs on Sunday and winning a pair of slippers on Monday.)
Be that as it may. Here are the brave boys that England fans are counting on...
Michael Vaughan
Injury-prone skipper and inspiration. Even though England won the CB Series without him, they seem obsessed by getting him on the field, even if they have to wheel him on. Famous for a) keeping everyone calm and b) his 1976 novelty hit. Seriously!
Freddie Flintoff
You know about him, dontcha? Seen the clip of him sledging Dwayne Bravo and Tino Best?
Ed Joyce
The Folksinger has somehow snuck into the side ahead of all our other favourites: Mauler Shah, Cheese Prior, Mal Loye. Has nine brothers and sisters.
Belly Bell
The blog 'he' does at is a spoof. Trust us. But it's very funny. So.
Wing Commander Strauss
Let's be honest - lovely fella, classy batter, ex-captain, no good at one-day cricket. Or not hitherto, anyway. Will be scapegoated if all the other batters are fit
Colly
The Ginger Prince was also the Ginger Genius who took to riling Warner throughout the Ashes by sledging him relentlessly. Great move, Colly. Well done for that! The commentators' script is already written and will involve one or all of the following: 1) "middle-order glue" 2) "best fielder in the world" 3) "his beloved Sunderland" 4) nudging 5) nurdling. 6) nudging and nurdling. 7) bottom-handed. 8) "dibbly-dobbly". Does he like a drink? Who knows? Is he actually ginger? I don't think so. So.
KP
The Aussies nicknamed him 'The Ego' showing that they have no flair for nicknames and should stick to adding 'o' or 'ie' to people's surnames. Leave nicknames to the experts, son. KP's nickname is KP. Obviously.
Jimmy Anderson
The only England player married to a model: Danniella Lloyd. No, she's not the one who's going out with Teddy Sheringham. She's this one!. So. Jimmy was nicknamed 'Hairdo' by the Aussie OBO team during the Ashes, although his real nickname is Jimmy. Despite briefly being the sexy face of English cricket after 'bursting' 'on' 'to' 'the' 'scene' in the 2003 VB Series (and then being laid low
with repeated injuries) he is known for, shall we say, not having a lot to say for himself. Expect: Corking yorkers mixed in with four-balls.
Sajid Mahmood
Get your tin hats on, readers: no-one's safe when Saj has the ball in his hands Ð either the batters, from his sporadic jaffers, or the crowd as the six-balls keep on coming. 'Origami' Mahmood was nicknamed by reader Steven Ellans for, so far as we can tell, entirely random reasons. What will he make today, readers? A beautiful swan? Or a big pile of screwed up and torn paper all over the floor ie rubbish. It could go either way. Expect: hostility. Towards opposing batters or the England management. Depending.
Nicko Nixon
Veteran (36) Leicester ODI champ. Boy, is he an annoying fella or what? Apparently contractually obliged to appear in EVERY single photo involving the England team, the Aussies made a laughing stock of Nicko (can't catch, can't bat, too old) throughout the CB Series, from the players to the pundits to the papers. Had he been picked purely on his ability to talk non-stop for four hours? Would that mean that 'Diddy' David Hamilton (ask your mum) might be in with a shout for the summer series? Well, look in the book, son: England won the series and Nicko had lots of pictures taken and may even be the missing ingredient that has turned England from zeros to heroes. Ish.
Jon Lewis
The Poet Ruffian is still tinkering away at those sonnets of his and after completing a thrilling spell of 2/8 off 12 likes nothing better than retreating to third mad and waving his ruff at the riff-raff in the cheap seats. The only England bowler who can be relied upon to bowl reasonably straight. He talks for 2000 words about bowling straight (but nothing about poetry) in his interview with SPIN magazine here. Never cuts his hair when he's bowling well, apparently. You'd never guess.
Dazzler Darren Gough.
Ah, we're only kidding, readers.
Jamie Dalrymple
For all his supposed hi-falutin upbringing and the fact that he's the best qualified cricketer in the game (probably - he has two degrees and four A levels) he always looks to us like the sort of fellow who may own a
horse and cart. Have a look. See if we're wrong.
Pudsey Plunkett
Five GCSEs, volleyball coaching badge. Hair by self. Supposedly the funniest man in the squad. Prone to Borat impressions, salt in sugar bowl, all that. Bowled very fast in CB Series after long lay-off (Pudsey himself claims in the latest SPIN that he managed 97 mph, which CAN NOT be true. Surely) and twice removed Gilchrist with umplayable yorkers. Still prone to going for plenty - but if he gets in three or four of those jaffers first, no-one will care.
Monty Panesar
Beard of the year by all accounts. Third in Sports Personality of the Year. Who doesn't love Mont's joyful celebration; who doesn't rail against the injustices that kept him out of the Test and ODI sides until Fletcher saw sense? But who isn't bothered if they never see a single one of his none-duller post-match interviews ever again? Ever. Anyway: study this ball...
...then rearrange the words 'arse' 'Warne' 'Shane' 'up' 'your' 'stick' 'you' and 'can' and sing them at the Aussies. Go on, be a grown up.
Ravi Bopara
Nickname: Puppy. Has only won one cap. When selection supremo Dave Graveney was asked about having a plyer with only one cap in the squad after having so long to plan for the tournament, Grav said: "Who's that, then?"
THAT is the genius, readers.
Anyways, we'll be bringing you our award-winning over-by-over coverage of every England and Australia game plus all the other head-to-head matches between the major Test nations during the World Cup, right here on the site. And giving away stuff, And inviting your emails, sane or otherwise. Can you wait, readers? Can you wait?