Boxing Day at the G

December 30, 2006 by Sid The Hat

Each year as my family's Christmas Day celebrations in London slowly dragged to a close, with midnight approaching I would sneak away to watch coverage of the Boxing Day Test from Melbourne and it became top of my wish-list of sporting events to attend.

After booking my flight in February, for nine months I could hardly contain my excitement at the thought of being there as part of the 90,000 crowd at the MCG – until Steve Harmison’s first delivery at the Gabba.

Over the passing few weeks my enthusiasm for the trip, cricket and any unnecessary social interaction with Australians substantially dipped, but after spending Christmas with a friend’s charming family out here I was ready to enjoy the day to the full, regardless of how haplessly England performed. Good job huh?

Connections meant I was fortunate enough to spend a VIP Boxing Day with MCG members, beginning with a champagne breakfast at the ground at 7am.

Three glasses was almost enough to make guest speakers Ian Botham and Dean Jones entertaining. Anyone who has seen them on screen will be familiar with the content of their well-worn, if not especially honed, repartee.

Like second rate stand-up comedians they trundled through their routines, which tended to have little relation to the promptings of the emcee, former Victoria wicketkeeper Darren Berry.

Here’s a snippet of Beefy's:

“Ice bath? I had ice when I came off the field as well...IN MY DRINK!”

You get the picture. He then questioned the damage to the nether regions modern techniques may cause, standing up to look down at the mythical ‘Beefy sword’ in a fairly desperate attempt to find the elusive uproar.

Jones relied on Boony and Warnie for his stories, but the best line came from Berry after the speaker brought up his career with SBS television:

“I didn’t think you were on tv anymore Deano?”

Although the speakers may have been underwhelming the surroundings certainly were not. The long room is incredibly impressive, but a sense of history grabs you wherever you are in the members’ section of the G. It is to their credit that in modernising the stadium they have retained the ground’s prestige, which is every bit as special as that of England’s traditional grounds.

Breakfast was washed down by the first of many Carlton Draughts, as we waited for the delayed start to the day’s play. From this point onwards the amount of beers bought in our round of six, was roughly at a rate of two for every run England scored in the turgid morning session.

Atmosphere-wise I would have to say I was a little disappointed. The Barmy Army subdued by a combination of the weather (shipped in from Old Trafford for the day it would seem), their team’s ineptitude and the proximity to Christmas, were pretty quiet.

And considering the talk everywhere was Warne’s 700, I thought there would be “Warne-y” chants from the first ball but there was hardly any until he got the wicket.

When he did in such dramatic fashion (though drink and my position at square leg meant the quality of the delivery could not be fully appreciated until later), the roof was lifted and I felt privileged to be present at such an occasion.

This was the moment of the day for most of the crowd but for me an amusing run-in with a man even bigger than Warnie – ‘Kenny’ star Shane Jacobson - rivalled Strauss' dismissal.

For readers outside of Australia, Kenny is a film about the adventures of a toilet cleaner and deliverer (played by Jacobson) and has been the surprise movie hit of the year here.

A well-refreshed Jacobson was enjoying himself in the Cricket Victoria box when he was accosted by an MCC member.

“Kenny, Kenny...you’ll love this.

“Come and see this dunny.”

The bemused look on Jacobson’s face suggested he may not be the lavatory connoisseur his character is in the film, but he was too polite to complain as he was frogmarched to the Committee’s convenience room.

He then posed at the urinal in front of a window with a perfect view behind the bowler’s arm.

Which was probably the most apt position to watch England’s performance in this Test.

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