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News -
Business
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'The Norman Tebbit' will ply the route between Liverpool and Savannah
THE long-term unemployed will be taken from their homes and forced to pick cotton all day, under new proposals from the Conservatives.
The party has promised huge financial rewards for those private companies willing to round up thousands of Scots, Northerners and Welsh and set them to work in the fields.
Chris Grayling, shadow minster for work and pensions said: "Many of these savages have a good bone structure and will respond well to simple commands.
"They can work all day with just a meagre ration of Pot Noodle and will prove no burden to your enterprise."
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News -
Arts & Entertainment
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CONSUMERS last night promised to continue ignoring the law, despite a government pledge not to throw them in jail for copying their own CDs. |
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News -
International
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THE French have abandoned their traditional disinterest in the private lives of politicians, labeling the girlfriend of President Sarkozy a 'total pump'.
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News -
Health
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ABANDONING your job, your family and the outside world in favour of a big glass tube can extend your life expectancy by decades, according to a new study.
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| THE NEWS IN PICTURES |
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'Seriously, I'm fine' insists woman
with television on her head
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"I genuinely respect my opponent
for taking all those drugs and being
half Muslim," says Senator Clinton
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