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| TO THE PEOPLE, I PRESENT MY VISION |
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By Gordon Brown WHEN I was a small boy somewhere in Scotland, I remember meeting a poverty-stricken old man who coughed phlegm and bits all over me. Even though I was just a child, I vowed to do whatever I could to cure that man of his illness, and then destroy him. |
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NHS TO FOCUS ON
REPAIRING CARS,
SAYS BROWN
"The health service must move from curing sick people to fixing Kia Piccantos," says troubled PM
'DID YOU KNOW ABOUT
ALL THESE MUSLIMS?'
ASKS BISHOP
"Apparently there are thousands of them going around being all Muslim and stuff," says senior cleric
43,546,232 PEOPLE
HAVE WON FUCK ALL
ON THE LOTTERY
"Keep playing, keep playing, keep playing, keep playing," says Camelot spokesman
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