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CONSUMERS VOW TO REMAIN OBLIVIOUS TO MUSIC COPYING LAWS

CONSUMERS last night promised to continue ignoring the law, despite a government pledge not to throw them in jail for copying their own CDs. 

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LLOYD-WEBBER TO PLAY PUG-UGLY COMPOSER IN 'HOLLYOAKS'

ANDREW Lloyd-Webber is to join the cast of the Channel Four soap opera Hollyoaks as an incredibly ugly composer of terrible songs.

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BNP MAN WOOS BALLERINA AWAY FROM CHINK

BNP activist Richard Barnbrook is to marry beautiful English dancer Simone Clarke  after rescuing her from the clutches of a slanty-eyed Latino half-breed devil, he said last night.

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