Questions

So have you sat there talking to someone you’ve known casually and suddenly felt feelings that can in no way be described as casual? Can your sub conscious mind suddenly feel a certain vibe…a certain something that makes you look at this regular, always around the place guy differently? Or were these feelings always there? Lingering in the background…

Have you met someone new…someone who in no way would seem a possibility? When you’re happy with the way your relationship is going but there you are sensing these insanely crazy feelings of want for someone you don’t think you’d even be meeting again?

Have you chucked aside moral values to take a chance at exploring these feelings? Would you sit and judge someone who did?

Would you take that chance and then get back to your life - like nothing happened? Can you?

Have you wanted to be with someone simply because they make you feel secure and you’d rather settle for that sense of security than live with the notion that “love” is forever?

Have you been crazily in love with someone and promised them “heaven” and “earth” only to fall in line with your family and throw aside a chance at forever? Just so you don’t hurt the family that made you what you are?

Have you woken up one day and realized you no longer feel the same way about the man whose name you moaned out the previous night and so many nights before?

Have you jeopardised your best friend’s relationship because you couldn’t share your friend with anyone? Have you fallen for your friend’s partner?

Have you fallen for your first cousin or someone in your family and let your feelings dictate your life?

Have you been an abusive relationship? Let someone walk all over you and not made an attempt to get out …

……………………………………………………………………………….????

Conversations with a friend and having experienced some of these feelings myself, I find over time relationships can’t be set to clichéd norms. How two people live and choose to be in a relationship move beyond clichés like “loyalty, commitment” and even the oft repeated excuse for individual freedom “space”!

What troubles my mind is unlike before I somehow can’t let my mind take a straight forward safe view in terming what people frown upon as wrong. I find my mind stepping into the shoes of the people involved and more often than not, I can sense why…I can understand why…and my heart can’t simply follow the crowd and term it “wrong”… I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing?

F for Festival...F for Flirting ;)

Like I said, the closer it gets to the festivities, the less visible I will be around here. The morning's been slack and I thought I'd run in here and do a quick post! Just ensuring you know I am alive and kicking (there are always reasons and people around to make me wanna do that literally too!)

A dear friend once told me that Mumbai abortion clinic's do good business post "Navratris". Interesting. I guess this year won't be the same story though. Wondering if the i-pill aggresive advertising off late has anything to do with this yearly phenomenon? ;) Simple coincidence?

There's something about social occasions such as these and weddings especially which makes people more liberal I guess? I remember how excited my friends and I would get at weddings. Apart from the dressing up ritual, there was the whole excitement of looking out for cute guys...err..and the mild flirting that took place :). Not filmy like the whole dulhe ka friends singing and stuff but you know what I mean right?

Stories of longing glances, notes exchanged (now phone no's and sms's moving back and forth) and if it were a longer celebration ... whispering sweet nothings...stolen touches...kisses...giggles...laughter and hearing it all over gossip sessions and night outs with girl friends :)

Nothing ever came off such short term flirtations. I've never met a couple that made it work. But maybe there are some that did. None in my circle of friends though.

Ok I'm done with my tea break! More next time...

Rather abrupt end I know :P but then the slack morning suddenly got busy busy....there goes the phone ringing again...ya ya I'm there......ssshhhhhhhhh!!! :)

One night stand

IGLESIAS ENRIQUE lyrics

One of those 'effed' up days

Right then I've been caught up with some things. Had some stuff penned away but saving those for a day when I can truly say I have the infamous "bloggers block". In fact it's quite tempting to put one of them up now but then changed my mind. Not that I have anything extraordinary to write just now. But I could have worse days :)

I'm really amazed at the duality I see in some people around me. So called "friends" who wouldn't think twice before bullshitting me or better still talk total trash behind my back. Everytime I think I've gauged someone well...I realize I've been gullible again. At 14 my mom told me, "you have to learn to read people or you're in for a lot of hurt later in life". Well maa what do you know? For once I'm with you a hundred percent. I hate people who'd pull me down to make themself feel better but I hate those people more who parade their nice selves in front of my face and then become perfect assholes the minute I turn my back.

Ok so everybody hates a hypocrite! What's new in that? Nuthin. I'm just loving this rant!! ok?

Speaking of hypocrites (and this has no relevance to the post I knowww), I think my neigbor's hubby is having an affair. No I'm not absolutely sure but I see the signs. The guy spends most of his time, out of the house, walking around the neighborhood glued to his damn cell and no matter just how close you walk past him, I swear you can never ever hear a single word of what he's saying!!!! For the life of me, I don't know how he can sustain hours and hours of conversation without his wife OR kids (yeah not that young btw) looking for him!! Makes me reallyyy wonder?

What else? Stupid gossip I know but don't forget I'm still not over the whole "venting" phase...

Btw that last post? I know a lot of you thought it was romantic. I of course don't really think so. You see, to me it wasn't about love as much as it was about someone who "settled" for what she thought was the only alternative! When I titled it "love...?" - the stress was in the question mark and not the word love. Ideally, I was going in for the title "compromise" without any question marks or doubts whatsoever! At the back of my mind I knew titling it "love" would set the tone as "romantic". However, there was more a sense of resignation and accepting one's fate in it. Ok so I have a lot many thoughts that run parallel in my head but don't get translated into words when I write a post. Which is the case I guess in the last post. It wasn't meant to glorify "love". It was to catch the protagonist's eventual acceptance of a situation she couldn't get out of because she lacked the belief in herself that she could get anything better in her life.

And that rather lengthy explaination might've sent most of you to bed :). It's rather late I know. The thought of the weekend and no early mornings has me here this late. But I'm done now.

My last word is for the people who've made me take some rather harsh decisions of late - "what goes around, comes around! And a fall only makes me rise higher...if not where I fell (which is the fucked up hell you created) but surely some place where I will be noticed!!!!"

As the song says,

Simple Plan - Shut...

SIMPLE PLAN lyrics

I'm so fuckin' tired of it all....

love ... ?

Disclaimer : Pure fiction!!

"I hate evenings alone. I hate the way my mind works when you're not around. In all these years, one would think I've reached that stage in a relationship that's not just comfortable and secure but beyond doubt and above suspicion. But, I guess not. I get restless. Old fears, unreasonable and unrelenting, play havoc with my mind.

Every assurance, every word of love forgotten...in the minutes that tick away...

It takes one moment of weakness to break someone. To break every ounce of faith. To make me the insecure person that I've become.

One fine day. One wretched phone bill and we were left shattered.

We?

No, I guess not. Not you. I was left shattered.

I meant nothing the days you walked into her house. I meant nothing when you lay down with her. I meant nothing when you slept with her.

Yet, here I am. 1 year since...

Why?

Of all the men I've been with, you knew me best. Of all the relationships I was in, I gave myself completely to this. And if my idea of perfection can be an illusion...

Why do I need any other man to prove me wrong? No one can.

They can touch me. They can't touch my soul. They can make me long. They can't make me stay. They can capture moments in my life. They cannot replace you.

And you?

I gave you a choice. You chose me. You chose to walk beside me.

I gave you a second chance? No, I gave us a second chance.

Oh! I hear the doorbell. It's pouring outside. You stand at the door drenched. Your familiar smile.

Every shred of doubt fades. You're home..."

Bee Gees - How dee...

THE BEE GEES lyrics

thankless...

There’s something I fail to understand. I know it takes all types of people - good and bad - to make this world what it is. Maybe my inability to comprehend stems from the fact that I tend to relate it to the way I am as a person and no matter how hard I try to step into the other person’s shoes, I can’t let go of my basic self - my sense of right and wrong!

What kind of children ill treat their parents when they are old and need them most? Everyday I read stories of the way people treat their aging parents and it hurts. I know how difficult it can get for some to sustain themselves and their families but how can someone push aside the very people who raised them and made them what they are today?

There are extreme cases where parents have not been the perfect examples of love and have ill treated their children. But that I believe is more of an exception than a rule. My belief is when parents shoulder the responsibility of a child; they give themselves totally into it. They may not be the best or the perfect parent but they do not aim for perfection in themselves, they aim for perfection in their children.

I can’t speak of how the low income groups struggle through their daily lives and hence they may not be so emotional about such things. I am told that money is the biggest player in deciding emotions. Maybe…

But from the socio economic background that I belong to, I find examples of such derision of emotions and basic family values around me in abundance. People with enough money to retire by the age of 35 would rather have their parents self sustain than take up the so called “tedious” and “stifling” responsibility of their parents.

I know that parents nowdays are far sighted too and made provisions for them self. But it isn’t about money and investments. Old age has many insecurities and the one thing parents need is a lot of emotional support. Plus physical ailments need a lot of TLC even if they have the provision to get the best medical help.

A friend told me yesterday of how her sis-in-law ill treats my friend’s mother (mother in law) and complains to my friend saying “She doesn’t adjust to our ways. When she can cook, why do I keep a cook? When she can manage to do things around the house and help raise the child, why can’t I get the freedom to work late or socialize out?”…

What the hell?

When at my age I find the whole concept of “adjusting” a huge deal in any relationship, who am I to expect my parents now in their 60’s to adjust and change a lifetime of who they’ve come to be? At their age they’ve done their bit of adjusting and compromising. They’ve got their set mentality and thinking in place. It would be a much bigger deal for them to change their mind set. I’d rather take that step myself than have any such expectation from them. But even then I do feel many parents have come to terms with the fact that their children only care if they find them of some “use” in their family set up!

And is this why people keep their parents with them? As a glorified maid?! And for heavens sake, your child is YOURS. If you can’t make time out for your own child, why did you take on the responsibility in the first place? It’s a shame you find faults when you can’t be half the parent your mom-in-law is!

Let’s not forget the biggest truth. We’re all going to grow old and even if we sat on pots of money, there will come a day when growing old will have us emotionally insecure, craving for attention. And God forbid if we’re suffering from illnesses, we’ll be miserable alone. That, my dear, is a day we will all see and before we go around casting away our parents, we should take a look at the example we’re setting out to our little ones! They learn from example - our examples!

It was "Daughter's day" yesterday. I didn't realize till I got a call from my parents. This post is dedicated to them. I cherish them.

Mamma.mp3

no strings attached

Dedicated to the “casual fling”, “one night stand”, whatever!

I have this craving
That’s driving me insane
It’s a prelude to pain

I wanna stay
Don’t push me away
Wanna give this one night
Whatever I’ve got

You hear me?

I wanna experience
Ecstasy
Make it real
This never ending
Fantasy

You want no strings attached
I can live with that
It’s no curse
I’ve lived with regret worse

It’s a prelude to pain
My loss your gain

I wanna stay
Don’t push me away
Wanna give this one night
Whatever I’ve got

You hear me?

I’ll live with
The regret
Coz baby right now,
I wanna give you
A night
You’ll never forget!

It’s a prelude to pain
My loss your gain

Tomorrow
You’ll probably
Look right through me
You think that scares me?
Maybe…

But I wanna look at tonight
And forget tomorrow
Forget yesterday
Tonight it’s going to be magic
Just my way

Yes! I’m gonna
Satisfy this craving
That’s driving me insane
It’s a prelude to pain
My loss your gain!

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE lyrics

been there done that & still at it....

I haven’t been through heartbreak in ages. But I’ve been surfing around blogs that have been talking about it. I’ve been through it often enough to know how miserable it feels. Tears you apart, shreds every emotion and belief, leaving you disillusioned and swearing off this thing called “love”.

I wonder if you noticed the word “often” in the above paragraph. It isn’t like I’m a fickle person or I was casual about any of the relationships I was in. When in it, I gave it 101 percent. Much as I would love to blame it on the other person for the eventual breakdown of any of the relationships I was in, I’ve figured out that it was more often than not a mutual feeling. Mutual when we got together. Mutual when we realized we weren’t going anywhere with it.

And the only advantage I’ve had has been in my personal outlook. Between crying for what’s gone and hoping for what’s next. I chose the latter. But then you see that is the only way to be - right?

I’ve been in a commitment for years now. It hasn’t exactly been smooth sailing. We’ve seen heaven and hell. And every relationship should see that I guess. It’s never a bed of roses everyday. Some days it’s the damn sofa!

It hasn’t always been about each other. Sometimes there’s been distraction and temptation. There’ve been differences of opinion galore. Arguments - I, Me, Myself!

In the end, what keeps it going? The simple desire to be with each other I guess. And then again, one gets so accustomed to someone, a certain way of being together and wanting the same things out of life. And the willingness to move beyond personal issues and step into the other person shoes.

It’s not like I don’t slip into the past and think of the one’s that got away or wonder about the “what ifs”. ..*tempting tempting..aah so...tempting*!! But why indulge in it to the extent that it mucks up my present? What’s gone isn’t going to come back. No matter how many tears we shed or how many regrets we express. The only thing we get from it is an experience and a helluva lot of learning.

I’ve preached enough. Time to get some lunch :)

"Live-in"

Lets start with a few things that have been on my mind. I saw a show about "live in" relationships the other night. Interesting enough it was. For me it would be a case of "sour grapes"! Never been there or done that but like everyone I have an opinion.

There's this cliche'd negative to "live-ins" and that is "one can walk out of it anytime since there's no legal commitment". Of course that seems to make sense but since when did walking out of any relationship become easy? Yes I mean the emotional upheavel. It's no less than a broken marriage I feel. Though in a marriage there are way more expectations not just between the couple themself but from people around them. But the individual pain and trauma in a bad break up - be it in a marriage or in a "live-in" relationship - where's the difference?

Another point, some say the west prefer a "live-in" arrangement before settling into a marriage. Makes me wonder, why the divorce rate hasn't gone down then? Being in a "live-in" relationship is no gaurantee for a successful marriage. Face it, marriages suffer not only because of "expectations" but also the whole convenience of "taking things for granted" - think about it!

The amount of commitment that goes into a "live-in" is no less than a marriage except in the former, the commitment sometimes does not go beyond the individuals in the relationship. Marriages are about commitment in a wider spectrum. It takes into account the families, the society around us. One would but naturally think twice before simply walking out of a marriage.

Then there is the whole question of acceptability. The individuals in a "live-in" relationship can choose to live life in their own terms and in cities of India nowdays unlike in smaller towns, there's less scrutiny by people all around. That's not too say it's easy going because try looking for a place to stay on rent and most of you will know that the landlords don't take in unmarried couples! If you have a place of your own, nothing like it!

But then again, what if you want to have kids? Now that's a crucial decision. In India, I doubt if society will accept a child born outside a marriage. It's not the same as being an orphan or children of divorced parents or a single parent. Lets face it even such children face a certain amount of social stigma. You can simply imagine the fate of a child born and brought up in a "live-in" relationship.

Like this guy in the show said,"It wouldn't be fair on the child".

Who knows in time even this will find a place in our ever changing society but it looks a long way off although "live-ins" have been here for a long time. I remember I was in school and I knew of some college going kids who lived in. And this is some 15 years back and I hear it was quite a "done" thing back in the 70's too but of course within a limited strata of urban society.

As for me, personally, I'd say if that's what my partner wants of me and we have the same understanding, I'd be in it for sure till such time, we want to take it to the next level or call it a day but the next level it will be if ever a baby is on our minds...