Lets start with a few things that have been on my mind. I saw a show about "live in" relationships the other night. Interesting enough it was. For me it would be a case of "sour grapes"! Never been there or done that but like everyone I have an opinion.
There's this cliche'd negative to "live-ins" and that is "one can walk out of it anytime since there's no legal commitment". Of course that seems to make sense but since when did walking out of any relationship become easy? Yes I mean the emotional upheavel. It's no less than a broken marriage I feel. Though in a marriage there are way more expectations not just between the couple themself but from people around them. But the individual pain and trauma in a bad break up - be it in a marriage or in a "live-in" relationship - where's the difference?
Another point, some say the west prefer a "live-in" arrangement before settling into a marriage. Makes me wonder, why the divorce rate hasn't gone down then? Being in a "live-in" relationship is no gaurantee for a successful marriage. Face it, marriages suffer not only because of "expectations" but also the whole convenience of "taking things for granted" - think about it!
There's this cliche'd negative to "live-ins" and that is "one can walk out of it anytime since there's no legal commitment". Of course that seems to make sense but since when did walking out of any relationship become easy? Yes I mean the emotional upheavel. It's no less than a broken marriage I feel. Though in a marriage there are way more expectations not just between the couple themself but from people around them. But the individual pain and trauma in a bad break up - be it in a marriage or in a "live-in" relationship - where's the difference?
Another point, some say the west prefer a "live-in" arrangement before settling into a marriage. Makes me wonder, why the divorce rate hasn't gone down then? Being in a "live-in" relationship is no gaurantee for a successful marriage. Face it, marriages suffer not only because of "expectations" but also the whole convenience of "taking things for granted" - think about it!
The amount of commitment that goes into a "live-in" is no less than a marriage except in the former, the commitment sometimes does not go beyond the individuals in the relationship. Marriages are about commitment in a wider spectrum. It takes into account the families, the society around us. One would but naturally think twice before simply walking out of a marriage.
Then there is the whole question of acceptability. The individuals in a "live-in" relationship can choose to live life in their own terms and in cities of India nowdays unlike in smaller towns, there's less scrutiny by people all around. That's not too say it's easy going because try looking for a place to stay on rent and most of you will know that the landlords don't take in unmarried couples! If you have a place of your own, nothing like it!
But then again, what if you want to have kids? Now that's a crucial decision. In India, I doubt if society will accept a child born outside a marriage. It's not the same as being an orphan or children of divorced parents or a single parent. Lets face it even such children face a certain amount of social stigma. You can simply imagine the fate of a child born and brought up in a "live-in" relationship.
Like this guy in the show said,"It wouldn't be fair on the child".
Who knows in time even this will find a place in our ever changing society but it looks a long way off although "live-ins" have been here for a long time. I remember I was in school and I knew of some college going kids who lived in. And this is some 15 years back and I hear it was quite a "done" thing back in the 70's too but of course within a limited strata of urban society.
As for me, personally, I'd say if that's what my partner wants of me and we have the same understanding, I'd be in it for sure till such time, we want to take it to the next level or call it a day but the next level it will be if ever a baby is on our minds...
Then there is the whole question of acceptability. The individuals in a "live-in" relationship can choose to live life in their own terms and in cities of India nowdays unlike in smaller towns, there's less scrutiny by people all around. That's not too say it's easy going because try looking for a place to stay on rent and most of you will know that the landlords don't take in unmarried couples! If you have a place of your own, nothing like it!
But then again, what if you want to have kids? Now that's a crucial decision. In India, I doubt if society will accept a child born outside a marriage. It's not the same as being an orphan or children of divorced parents or a single parent. Lets face it even such children face a certain amount of social stigma. You can simply imagine the fate of a child born and brought up in a "live-in" relationship.
Like this guy in the show said,"It wouldn't be fair on the child".
Who knows in time even this will find a place in our ever changing society but it looks a long way off although "live-ins" have been here for a long time. I remember I was in school and I knew of some college going kids who lived in. And this is some 15 years back and I hear it was quite a "done" thing back in the 70's too but of course within a limited strata of urban society.
As for me, personally, I'd say if that's what my partner wants of me and we have the same understanding, I'd be in it for sure till such time, we want to take it to the next level or call it a day but the next level it will be if ever a baby is on our minds...
13 comments:
Twilight this is a very interesting read! love the topic.
**course that seems to make sense but since when did walking out of any relationship become easy?
I totally agree!
IMO it is upto the 2 ppl concerned. And its really none of society's business. :) do it if ur heart says yes.
Keshi.
I guess not having a label that speaks makes it easier on a relationship but yeah the question comes when kids are a question. Makes me wonder as well..
I think in years to come this kinda thing will be such a normal thing to society since i see the trend already arising and increasing.:)
Thanks for dropping by my blog.:D
Cheers!:D
Sides, i love the description to ya blog title. Pretty looking blog.:D
Heyy there! Live-inis are there to avoid responsibilty that an otherwise staid marriage brings and to bring in the angle of what happens to children, is a bit off track. But thats what i think, and i am mostly wrong.
Thanks for visiting.
Keshi , sweetsticky, Aakash - Thanks for the visit back :)
Keshi - "IMO it is upto the ppl concerned" ... can't disagree there at all.
sweetsticky - Yes, it can't be easy for kids to shoulder the responsibility of carrying a label at an age when they've not even figured it all out.
Thanks for noticing the description, it's a quote I love too! :)
Aakash - But then most couples do end up talking babies at some point of time, so how is it off track?
visiting your space was a pleasure indeed!
A strong topic. Though there are still taboos in the country over the authenticity and acceptability of this relationship in smaller towns, but its well in action in the metros and bigger cities.
I feel live in should be worth a try before committing a person for the marriage. It would give a feel how the person is, what his habits are , how he reacts, personal hygiene and all that.
All in all a good blog.
Do visit mine.
IMO. live-in is pretty fine if you are clear about what you want from teh relationship...
but then the fickle mind of a youth never did stay still....
ashu - I guess yes a "live-in" seems to work like a "trial" phase before a marriage as you point out in your comment. But then again, it doesn't prepare you for the sense of complacency that can set into a marriage. I think partners don't take each other for granted in a "live-in" as much as in a marriage. But that's simply my assumption. I could be wrong :)
sam - precisely, it depends on the mutual understanding between the partners in it. And who says only the youth are fickle? :)
ps: Why doesn't your display pic show?
Thanks for the visit back :)
Hiya Twilight...thanks for droppin by mah blog.Welcum to blogosphere....like ur style & content of writin. Blogrollin u!!
Live-ins...quite a in thingy these days esp. in metros in India...but personally i am a lil myopic in this aspect. Wouldn't really like to go for it...for so many strings attached to it.
Most importantly..the onlookers constant peeping eye and uncalled for comments. Also, i feel that it would take away the charm of staying together like in marriage.There has to be some bit of curoisty, anxiety attached to experiencing marriage...what's the point in being there done that too soon enuf.
Let the rite time come and gradually take relationship to that level is the mantra i believe in.Afterall, marriage got to be felt differently from being in courtship.
annie - oops! Sorry I missed replying here. Rushed off in the morning. Got back. Put up the new post and then ran off again :(
But thanks for pointing it out :)
U have a point there when you speak of "live ins" taking away the charm of staying together in a marriage. I guess then there's no novelty in the whole sharing of a life together, adjusting, learning, experiencing togetherness.
And marriage is totally different from courtship. It could even be better if the effort is put in but more often than not "courtship" scores over marriage in the "romance" quotient *sigh* :)
Yo!!
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