I find myself swinging. Not on a playground swing. Not on dope. Not high on life. Swinging into extremes...
One minute I feel I can let it all go…the next I want to hold on! One minute I tell someone off … the next I hang on to every word they say…
I cease to be - be myself. I flow with the wind. It takes me high…then swings me low. Sometimes I’m floating…drifting. Then again, I’m lashed.
I hurt, I laugh, I cry, I smile.
I feel rejuvenated. I feel tired.
I understand.
And then I don’t.
There’s no valley where I can rest in solitude. There are endless hills to climb. Some green and verdant where I pause to catch my breath…some bare and rocky where I falter and trip…
I watch the familiar faces of loved ones. I derive comfort in their presence. I hear words of friends - near and far. Some warm, loving…some harsh, criticising.
I cease to be me - to think for myself.
I fail to accept the simple truth - I cannot keep everyone happy. I keep trying otherwise and I keep losing myself … over and over again.
I look at the mirror; watch the creases around my eyes, the beginnings of lines around my mouth.
I’m aging but I’m not really growing am I?
*sigh*
I sleep a dreamless sleep and hope to wake up to another morning - simply to be me.
One minute I feel I can let it all go…the next I want to hold on! One minute I tell someone off … the next I hang on to every word they say…
I cease to be - be myself. I flow with the wind. It takes me high…then swings me low. Sometimes I’m floating…drifting. Then again, I’m lashed.
I hurt, I laugh, I cry, I smile.
I feel rejuvenated. I feel tired.
I understand.
And then I don’t.
There’s no valley where I can rest in solitude. There are endless hills to climb. Some green and verdant where I pause to catch my breath…some bare and rocky where I falter and trip…
I watch the familiar faces of loved ones. I derive comfort in their presence. I hear words of friends - near and far. Some warm, loving…some harsh, criticising.
I cease to be me - to think for myself.
I fail to accept the simple truth - I cannot keep everyone happy. I keep trying otherwise and I keep losing myself … over and over again.
I look at the mirror; watch the creases around my eyes, the beginnings of lines around my mouth.
I’m aging but I’m not really growing am I?
*sigh*
I sleep a dreamless sleep and hope to wake up to another morning - simply to be me.
| U2 - I Still Have... |
27 comments:
lovely! beautifully written.
**I’m aging but I’m not really growing am I?
gosh that goes well for me too LOL! sometimes I feel like a lil child stuck in an adult body :)
Keshi.
Ahhaaaa, okay, i m just trying to visualise u playing in the playground and running in the garden...:P
tat gave me goosebumps!!! [:O]
"I look at the mirror; watch the creases around my eyes, the beginnings of lines around my mouth."
those line r calld laugh lines, arnt they? one 4 every moment f pure joy uve had...
beautiful..
I can absolutely relate to this baby. I am passing through absolutely the same phase. High one day, low the other day.
Dont know how to get out of it, letting this phase control me and i just run through the daily routing without putting a fight to normalise the things. more i do, more i trap.
Hang in there and let it pass. the new dawn thereafter would be superb!!!!
Hugz and luv,
Ashu
I guess we are supposed to balance those high and low aspects of situations in life. I'm not sure how but perhaps try an inner high in times of an outer low, and vice versa.
If one doesn't get lost, there's a chance one may never be found. Self-discovery is an endless process. In the meantime, live everything.
Beautiful and thought-provoking post.
I guess thats life ....its full of high and low...live in the moment and be happy....:)
sigh! join the club :(
beautifully written neverthless...its kinda eerie someone can actually frame wht u exactly seem to feel...
keep it up!
wow,.,. beautifully said.
very inspirational. I loved your last sentence :)
Welcome to da club!!
Certain words when expressed so well makes you feel a part of them, So i feel it all.Beautiful expressions.
beautifully written. Sent the tingles.
The last line . pretty.
Cheers!
very nicely written.. although i can sense the pain here. i am the same. wish i could express it as well as you do.
i hope you feel good today.
keshi - thank you :)
ironically we're told to never lose the child in us!
southpaw - trust me I'm no better than a child in such a situation as the one you're trying to visualize :)
firewhisky - laugh lines ... hmmm in that case I must count my blessings and cherish the moments of pure joy I've had rather than swing to the other extreme...
nice perspective. glad u put it across.
abhishek - thank you :)
ashu - I kind of figured that there would be many amongst us who've either been through this or are going through it. Some comfort in knowing that I am not the exception though I wouldn't want to wish this phase on anyone *sigh*
the new dawn - that's the hope that keeps me going too :)
Hugz :)
indicaspecies - I agree self discovery is an endless progress and sometimes one that never ceased to amaze...
thanks for the advice. It helped :)
kp - living in the moment...and happy too... thanks :)
pri - thanks @ beautifully written :) ... i know sumtimes i come across posts that simply seem to speak my heart and mind out aloud....
will keep it up yes!
raaji - thanks :)
annie - i hope u're swinging on the positive side ? :)
alapana - thanks for dropping by :) ... and for the lovely comment!
sweetsticky - thanks dear :)
soul - thanks fr dropping by. And u sensed it right...but then like everything else in life, this too shall pass...
I'm a lot better today...thank u :)
Beautiful thoughts,wonderful musings :)
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