I haven’t been through heartbreak in ages. But I’ve been surfing around blogs that have been talking about it. I’ve been through it often enough to know how miserable it feels. Tears you apart, shreds every emotion and belief, leaving you disillusioned and swearing off this thing called “love”.
I wonder if you noticed the word “often” in the above paragraph. It isn’t like I’m a fickle person or I was casual about any of the relationships I was in. When in it, I gave it 101 percent. Much as I would love to blame it on the other person for the eventual breakdown of any of the relationships I was in, I’ve figured out that it was more often than not a mutual feeling. Mutual when we got together. Mutual when we realized we weren’t going anywhere with it.
And the only advantage I’ve had has been in my personal outlook. Between crying for what’s gone and hoping for what’s next. I chose the latter. But then you see that is the only way to be - right?
I’ve been in a commitment for years now. It hasn’t exactly been smooth sailing. We’ve seen heaven and hell. And every relationship should see that I guess. It’s never a bed of roses everyday. Some days it’s the damn sofa!
It hasn’t always been about each other. Sometimes there’s been distraction and temptation. There’ve been differences of opinion galore. Arguments - I, Me, Myself!
In the end, what keeps it going? The simple desire to be with each other I guess. And then again, one gets so accustomed to someone, a certain way of being together and wanting the same things out of life. And the willingness to move beyond personal issues and step into the other person shoes.
It’s not like I don’t slip into the past and think of the one’s that got away or wonder about the “what ifs”. ..*tempting tempting..aah so...tempting*!! But why indulge in it to the extent that it mucks up my present? What’s gone isn’t going to come back. No matter how many tears we shed or how many regrets we express. The only thing we get from it is an experience and a helluva lot of learning.
I’ve preached enough. Time to get some lunch :)
I wonder if you noticed the word “often” in the above paragraph. It isn’t like I’m a fickle person or I was casual about any of the relationships I was in. When in it, I gave it 101 percent. Much as I would love to blame it on the other person for the eventual breakdown of any of the relationships I was in, I’ve figured out that it was more often than not a mutual feeling. Mutual when we got together. Mutual when we realized we weren’t going anywhere with it.
And the only advantage I’ve had has been in my personal outlook. Between crying for what’s gone and hoping for what’s next. I chose the latter. But then you see that is the only way to be - right?
I’ve been in a commitment for years now. It hasn’t exactly been smooth sailing. We’ve seen heaven and hell. And every relationship should see that I guess. It’s never a bed of roses everyday. Some days it’s the damn sofa!
It hasn’t always been about each other. Sometimes there’s been distraction and temptation. There’ve been differences of opinion galore. Arguments - I, Me, Myself!
In the end, what keeps it going? The simple desire to be with each other I guess. And then again, one gets so accustomed to someone, a certain way of being together and wanting the same things out of life. And the willingness to move beyond personal issues and step into the other person shoes.
It’s not like I don’t slip into the past and think of the one’s that got away or wonder about the “what ifs”. ..*tempting tempting..aah so...tempting*!! But why indulge in it to the extent that it mucks up my present? What’s gone isn’t going to come back. No matter how many tears we shed or how many regrets we express. The only thing we get from it is an experience and a helluva lot of learning.
I’ve preached enough. Time to get some lunch :)
22 comments:
Twilight...good writeup and am still ponderin over it.
It aint that easy right to start tinkin about future when the past of the centre of our existence. I know there isn't any other escape route either except to burn alive the past that troubles and discover the future...But the core question that remains...why me when the mine was a true love?
Some answers can never be found and some questions always keep troublin - just like da one as to how to get over True Love! Ahhhhh that's an unsurmountable task.
I do wonder sometimes which is better -- heartbreak or having to go through a lonely life? What say you?
I love how your post made me think :) I've never really thought about heartbreak as anything but the anti-christ. But sometimes, it's a good way to know just how much emotions there are inside us.
Food for thought. Though this days true and real love is an illusion and a mirage, that never works. Coming out of the messy and wonderful past is a big hindrance to travel to the unseen, unknown future.
Relationships got to be nurtured and taken care like a baby, and both people involved have got to walk the distance to keep it alive and worth the distance.
Its really painful to see the love being killed in a brutal way when at a time that was an integral part of your life.
A breakup is as hell as it can be and you see innumerable deaths of your soul and self, the love within is crushed and so brutally smashed that it shivers to even think to be in love again.
All in all a greatttt post!!!
Luck
Ashu
ahem ahem...true experience talking..i can learn a lot perhaps...thnks twilight! :D
cheers
Hi,Twilight..that was a 'post to muse over'..all the points were quite valid.The catch word,finally is'mutual'-as long as everything remains at mutual level-understanding,love,affection...it's smooth sailing.But,more often than not,the ego keeps creeping in,and,that's where the arguments begin,correct?
"Between crying for what’s gone and hoping for what’s next. I chose the latter. But then you see that is the only way to be - right?"
Yea,right..that was the best part of the post.
Sometimes I slip into the past and feel that pain again n again...but each time the depth of the stabs in my heart decreases...so its all good. :)
Keshi.
annie - like I said in my comment in your post, all this will seem like just words when you are in the midst of it all. Later when you get past it and I know you will :), you'll probably agree with me. The best healing is in letting time pass by and in reaching out to friends.
princess banter - Neither is! I'd say life's way too long to cry over a heartbreak or to live all alone. Life's for moving ahead. Look at it as full of endless possibilities. Heartbreak happens. Accept it and don't linger with the pain. Your life is worth a lot more than that (living in pain) right? :)
ashu - There's no such thing as "perfect love" and the closest you'll get to anything that could define "perfect love" is in the initial stages of your relationship when honestly, all that's being done is putting our best foot forward and setting an impression :)
And like you said, relationships need to be nurtured. It's a lot of work and the results are always good if the effort is sincere.
I simply believe that even if someone loses interest or love fades, then it's best to walk away or let the other walk away. it's better to be out of a loveless relationship than drag it...
We can always make the choice of loving ourselves more than anyone or anything else.
Thanks @ great post :)
Wacko - lets hope learning from all these posts on heartbreak makes you sensitive to a woman’s perspective! That’s not to say men have it easier. I think sometimes men are more sensitive to stuff like this. Women have this natural ability to accept change. They just express emotions a lot more freely :)
amitl - Yes a relationship is about “togetherness” and if one of the two moves away, it loses meaning. And there’s no point in hanging on where there’s no love. “mutual” is the way to be or else just let go.
“ego” is right. Which is why I said that, there has to be that willingness to step into the other person’s shoes. If we can’t get ourselves to do that, we’re being terribly selfish and a relationship has no place for such ‘selfishness”
“ahead” is where possibilities lie so why look back at all? :)
keshi - Yes time is the best healer. Time and the presence of good friends who listen and share your pain.
:) Beautiful & Good outlook.
i like your title. "Been there done that & still at it."
I guess its real. despite the moving on we still do tilt our heads around bitsy. I guess at the end of the day its the "now" that matters though the past is sometimes still present yet not prominent.Sooner or later it will just fade to become just another experience.
Cheers! Hope u had a good lunch
sweetsticky - seems we were at each other's blogs at the same time :)
You're right it's the "now" that matters. It's the "now" that we always live.
Lunch was good yes..always is when I'm famished :)
"It’s never a bed of roses everyday. Some days it’s the damn sofa!"
i love it... cz ur so right... ive been wid him 4 jst ovr a year nw... n we fite, we laugh, we want 2 strangle each othr bt evry minutes wrth it...
i do think abt d past... i m bittr abt d way it ended (nt tat he gave me much choice [:P]) bt i knw hw happy i am nw... i knw tat i wud nvr hv found tat wid ne1 else... n its all gud... [:D]
firewhiskey - nice :)..Your comment made me smile here. Like you said if you didn't let go of the past, you wouldn't be living your present and it's going good! Happy for you :)
I agree with whatever you've written & do realize the fact thats why whenever the happy moments come by i try making the most of em & when the tough time comes i try avoiding em as much as it does effects me & my relation very badly!!
The point is whenever we start taking things for granted things do try getting outa hands & thats when all these undesirable distances & frictions come in between!
PS: Thanks for coming by my blog btw:)
finally a cornerstone in the boulevard of broken-dreams... lately i have also found most friends' blogs with such tear shedding posts...
not to forget, even i did it for some time a few months back...
but i guess its a good way to vent out the pain in us...
and now, i too anticipate the forthcoming {exactly the way to be...} :)
truely liked ur posts...
tc...
an illusion - agreed "taking things for granted" spells the death of a relationship. There's no space for complacency. People need to make it work :)
visiting was my pleasure. thanks!
dj - I'm glad you're looking ahead now :). I hope the future holds promises new and true for you!
Thanks @ "truly liked your posts"!
Twilight, agree with you. Rather draging a dead relationship, its better to let it go away. Thats the only thing you can do when love turns sour.
hiya...I bumped in2 ur blog thru some1 else's whr I read ur comment. I really liked this one. Infact after reading this I reazlied that I started writing when I had a break up!!. I wud b appreciate if u wd check out my blog as well! Thnx. Cia.
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