I am a midwife that has dealt with the fall out of domestic violence/rape on women for 26 years. I have MANY horrifying stories of unjust treatment - may I share some in the effort to motivate others to make change?

I wonder if any of the marital abuse that is perpetuated by the female ever be recognised. This may not seem important to most yet I wonder how much abuse is fostered by the frustration caused by the female.

As you will gleefully note, Mr.Charles D. Temple Sr., your comment, stated by some male on every website created to help women escape abuse and also see equal Justice, infuriates me. No woman or man deserves abuse. If your partner "drives" you to it and you can't blow it off, leave. I bet I can could in total, on my hands and feet, the number of men who have been stalked and murdered by a woman who 'just cannot let him go". "If I can't have him, no one can". So thanks for stopping in just to lend us some more abuse, although verbal, it still defines what kind of guy you are: that is, one who taunts.

why is it so hard for people to belive men get abused also. i am a women whos son is caught up in seattle wa insenative laws and i am sick of it. his familey care about him and this wont be the last time thay hear from me i wont go away untill things are done right. i will go to the whit house the naacp who ever i have to i hear stories about seattle laws and it ant good.

No one believes that Jim could be violent. He's a white male philosophy professor. No one could believe that I would be the kind of woman who was participate in the abuse. I'm bright and outspoken. There were several episodes of slamming my head into a wall. There were a number of times when I stayed in restraints until I would give into what ever he wanted. There were painful sex acts. I learned to hide car keys. Sometimes I could escape, and when I did I would go have a lot of car keys made. I'd hide some near my office, some on a path we walked, some in boxes of tampons. When I got home, I would always have a few on my body as if I were trying to hide them. He would take those. I simply accepted that Jim would demand a job in every department where I had a job. It was necessary if I wanted that job. I can no longer count the jobs I had to turn down because Jim wasn't offered a job to teach with me. He said if I left him, he'd take my son away from me. He did. For a while, he convinced people that I had a bi-polar disorder. Then, he decided it was a borderline personality disorder. Most recently, it's an executive brain dysfunction. Finally, he went to far. He hit me with a truck in front of an eyewitness who called 911. I went to the hospital. He went to jail. He was charged with domestic assault, but he plead down to disorderly conduct. In Illinois, you can run over your wife for $217 and 6 months of probation. Here's the proof: http://www.judici.com/courts/c ases/case_dispositions.jsp?cou rt=IL027015J&ocl;=IL027015J,2000CM172,IL027015JL2000CM172D1 Now the punchline? You can move to Idaho and teach PHIL 103 INTRODUCTION TO ETHICS. Here's that proof too: http://classes.isu.edu/fall/PHIL.shtml.

My exhusband found me as a teenage girl from a bad home when he was in his twenties. What started with lobster dinners and lavish compliments led to shoving, swearing, emotional abuse, intimidation, and eventually physical assault including being choked, molested in a bed with my young daughter in the same bed. Finally, after a wrist injury when he forced the children out of my hands while he was angry and out of control and then blamed me for the injury I called the police asking that they tell him it was not my fault if he assaulted me. They decided they had to arrest him. I was so glad to have him out of the house and be safe I didn't risk pursuing it and pled marital and it was dropped. I had to raise two children and thought they needed their father. He continued to be emotionally abusive including harassment and intimidation in 1998 while I was recovering from a car accident that left me with head, spinal and other injuries as well as PTSD from seeing my father die next to me. He kept using the children to hurt me until I could barely function--abusing me and teaching my children not to respect me because I was a loser with no job. I succeeded in attending college while the children were in school graduating Magna Cum Laude but he was still constantly breaking down my self esteem. I became more disabled. When the children were old enough to stay home alone after school he sued for custody and won legal and joint physical. They were 12 and 10 and he had never cared for them longer than a week when his friend offered them all a week of vacation. He lied and had a great resume and looked like a wonderful guy. He was even a Girl Scout leader. I had no money to afford an attorney, naturally he had been careful to avoid proof, had become completely withdrawn and emotional. I testified to all of it but broke down several times under the stress and couldn't stay organized with him present. The judge decided I was lying. Two years later, he managed to bribe the older child with an XBox 360 into accusing me of abuse (there was no DSS involvement and the one time police were involved it was because my son disobeyed me including wrestling me for his cell phone taken for misbehavior and assaulting me). He won full custody with no visitation the volunteer lawyer defied my request to pursue or even postpone pending a DSS investigation based on allegations my daughter made. Again, his lawyer friend helped get the investigation dropped as "unsubstantiated" even though he refused to allow DSS in his home, refused to allow me to be present and only allowed my daughter to meet with the DSS investigator with his lawyer friend present--the same friend who mocked me saying "oh, you've been raped" and laughed when I asked for help. Right at this moment, I'm waiting on the outcome after my son physically prevented my daughter from boarding a bus to come here because she wouldn't go to her father's because according to her, he hits her "too hard", he yells all the time, he expresses inappropriate interest in her breasts, he refuses to remove his dresser from her bedroom requiring him to come into her room while she's asleep to get his clothing (ex, daughter and son live alone in a 3 BR appt--the third bedroom goes empty because he insists on sleeping in the livingroom so they cannot use the tv or computer in the morning). He refuses to allow her to come here when she asked. He doesn't allow her to make phone calls before 7 PM because he has no land line and it would cost money--she is shy and only has one real friend. He got an agreement to claim both kids on his taxes (40k+ salary) in exchange for covering all their uninsured medical and dental then turned around and looted the children's trust funds to pay for their braces and kept the extra money (all their medical expenses are covered through Masshealth due to my disability). He pays nothing. He coaches all extracurriculars. Acts as a "Tax Unit Manager" for a financial company. Serves on the library board of directors and the Girl Scout Council and the board of a nonprofit that made the news several times recently when the executive director (his best friend)was praising an employee arrested for the rape of his 12 year old sister in law and assaulting the girl's character. I have no money and no where to go and the stress and fear of leaving home has left me disabled and taken as terrible toll on my health. My state--MA--doesn't allow restraining orders for emotional abuse even with a history of physical abuse, ringing my doorbell repeatedly late at night, swearing at me and both kids, hanging up on us. Everyone thinks he's a saint. I spend most of my time desperately hoping to do the best to support my daughter until she's safely on her own. Most days I'm sorry I was ever born. I can't leave because she's in danger but I had to hospitalize myself during the divorce because I was ready to die and I've developped medical problems from the stress. I'm 35 and my life has been destroyed for a mistake I made at 16 that the court won't help me escape and has helped my abuser more and more. My life has been destroyed. My potential career. My son, who has threatened to kill me and himself and broken doors. My daughter, who is afraid to even ask for help and is now in danger. But no one believes me. I have no where to go and no support. When I tested negative for fatal diseases I was upset, I felt a loss because at least it would have been a way out. I'll never be free. Why doesn't anyone understand that these men target women with no resources to escape and act like saints to cover their true behavior? It's impossible to escape with children involved.

Anyone concerned about domestic violence should read, "The Batterer As Parent," authored by Lundy Bancroft and Jay Silverman. There is no better resource for defining domestic violence and listing the numerous sorts of obfuscations batterers use to escape scrutiny and accountability.

I agree. There is no way out. I tried. The help that is pretended does not exist. We have no where to go. I'd rather stay and hide.There are men who mix violence with power and ego. Causing pain, against women and children, they can't feel.