"The mark of a true crush is that you fall in love first and grope for reasons afterward"
- by Shana Alexander

How true!

Beginning of the school session and a group of new admissions ... this guy, different from all others, walking in his own style and world asked me where he could find a particular teacher who happened to be our class teacher. Smitten by his charm and attitude I led him to our classroom and noticed everyone looking at him with a big :O

We were acquaintances ... then turned into classmates ... then into competitors ... then almost into enemies ... then friends ... then good friends ... then really good friends ... then ...

Now we miss each other so much
We do not talk as often as we did when I was back in India ... infact we hardly talk ... He does mail me at times ... those mails which are way better than the one-liners on messengers/orkut.

We have same ideas, similar choices, same views, similar opinions ... and still we always stood opposite each other. We debated against each other ... during the class discussions ... even if he did not have different opinions ... he would still stand against me ... just for kicks?

We had a taste for music ... I sang ... he played. He would call me from wherever I was just to sing a song because none of the guys in their stupidiotic group could sing in a female voice. His mates would sometimes make fun of me for they thought I had attitude problems(!!!) ... but he knew I did not and he convinced them. Those guys initially found it really hard to accomodate me ... in their "boy band" and the physics tuitions group but later they all realised I was the best entertainer (a mixture of drama, comedy, show-off, thriller, etc)
He would come home to do a project with me and chat up my mom and sister. He and my sister used to play this really stupid game called Hitman! He talked like he was the most sensible guy around and the guy your mom actually wants you to hang around with! My sister knew I liked him ...
But no one knew that he liked me as well ... neither did I ... until he mailed me one day when I came here that he missed me more than he realised he would .

Little gestures like
- He called me up once at home and made me listen to a very meaningful and senti ghazal when he had upset me a few mins ago.
- He called me up once very early in the morning to wish me Happy Friendship Day .. just to hear my voice when I was still sleeping.
- He didn't go and receive his dad, who was coming from Russia, just coz he wanted to see me off to London.

The list can be really really long.

This guy's got the attitude ... the looks ... the brains ... and precisely he's got everything.
He's the greatest Eminem fan ever! He himself raps very well




(I had to copy the whole post from my blog coz I didnt have enough to write a new one ..)


Lessons Learnt- "Never underestimate your mother ... she might not have done any computer courses or not grown up with computers ... but its possible that she might explore and get to things herself ... and to such details that you yourself would be surprised!!"
- Loon Gal

This is some 4 years ago. It was my first job. I was just out of College, new to internet. I was all into making new online friends. But logging into messengers was prohibited. In spite of that I kept on logging into messengers and browsing online. Then I felt helpless, kind of addicted to internet.

Now I feel adequate, I have net at home …at office still I seldom come on net or login to messengers. I guess after a point of time we grow out of habits. But alas people don’t understand and give us a chance to grow out of habits. They try to impose things on us which makes us arrogant and more adamant. I have learnt not to impose things on people.

i must have been 5 years old then... i was out shopping with my mom... i dont remember what we shopped that day... but i remember what i liked the most then... in those days there were no malls in india... (well... this should be around 25 years ago)... there were small shops around and you had to go buy stuff from there...

we were at this small, teeny, weeny shop... and my mom was checking some things in there... when my eyes fell on this beautiful doll... she was dressed in a pink frock... with long blonde hair and light blue eyes... i picked her up and started playing with her... she would blink her eyes at me... and sing a song and laugh with i moved her in a certain way... i instantly fell in love with her... i looked at mama pleadingly... but she refused to buy me the doll... she said she didnt have much money on her... she promised me that she would buy the doll later... i started crying and shedding pools of tears... (well... i was so in love with her... maybe i should even label this post as my first crush... errr even though i dont have such tendencies :p)... but to no avail... she wouldnt buy it for me... she pulled me out of the shop and took me home... i was really sad... wondering when would she have enough money to buy me the toy...

years later when i was 18 i was talking to my mom, and i recalled the doll she never got me... i still blamed her for not getting it for me... (i even threw a tantrum then... at 18! just coz she didnt get me a doll when i was 5 years old!)... she looked at me with a sad smile... she said come on, lets go and buy it now... i have the money now... that was the time i learnt a very important lesson...

when i was a kid we werent very rich (even though we lived well enough)... and my mom didnt always have the extra money to buy us toys and take us out... at 18 when my mom said that, i understood the pain she must have gone through to say 'no' to me... it was definitely more than the pain i went through without the doll... and since that day i try not to mention about the doll in front of her... (well.. sometimes i do kid about it... but i dont scream at her and dont blame her for not getting me the doll)

We all have our flaws.

My biggest flaw is to trust people at the drop of a hat.I let them in to such an extent that they hold immense power.Power over my feelings, power to make me grateful, happy, loved but sadly also depressed.

I know thats a very bad thing, and have often been advised to change.But, somehow, the forgiving and forgetting policy is the one I always adopt.I don't learn from my mistakes and still go on, trusting blindly, being completely oblivious to what the real intentions are.Its happened to me so many times.But just sometime back was the last straw.It reduced me to nothing.I hated myself for trusting and caring so much only to get something I do not deserve in return.Betrayl.Cold hearted betrayl.

I really don't get why such things happen sometimes.When you go all out to help people you care about and make sure they don't get hurt, they have been sharpening a knife to stab you in the mean while.

But now, things are a bit different.I care and I love the same...but I can never trust as much as I did before...even though those that did hurt me apologised endlessly and stated how ashamed they were.It just isn't the same.

p.s-Sorry for getting all emotional.