Wonkette: The D.C. Gossip

Happy Vitterans Day Weekend

Miss Iowa likes that head of hair. [Political Radar]
There’s nothing more appalling than impeachment as political theater. [Michelle Malkin]
The Democrats do believe in torture, they just think it should be used by them on the people who sent them to Congress to stop the slide into insanity by not refusing to change course out of fear of the political implications of taking a stand on any given issue until they have expanded majorities and a woman in the White House. Between these two options, we choose to be waterboarded, thanks. [Andrew Sullivan]
What is that irresistible rhythmic thwapping sound? Why, it’s the sound of millions of conservative blowhards fiercely masturbating. [Redstate]
James Dobson no endorse. James Dobson only smash! [WorldNet Daily]
Next time Diane Feinstein runs for re-election, maybe vote for someone else. [Left Coaster]

7:14 PM ON FRI NOV 9 2007
460 views, 10 comments

Latest by pelosiforpresident: @Publican Thanks. more »

goodbye

FROM JEZEBEL.COM: So, Anna returns to triumphantly retake the Jezebel helm on Monday, which makes it time for me to say a fond farewell to you guys here on Jezebel and to slink on back to Wonkette. more »

7:00 PM ON FRI NOV 9 2007
3,092 views, 46 comments

tom delay, still sucking

Brits Laugh "Derisively" at Tom DeLay

So Tom DeLay is at least top five for biggest dickheads in America, and Europeans hate Americans in general, and Oxford is a college in Europe, and at European colleges they hate Americans even more… quick calculation here… It seems Tom DeLay’s visit to an Oxford debating society didn’t go so well. Especially since he pretty much debated himself after his opponent, Al Sharpton, didn’t show up. more »

5:08 PM ON FRI NOV 9 2007
BY JIM NEWELL
2,557 views, 37 comments

vittergate

Prostitute Discusses David Vitter's Small Penis in Hustler

Louisiana Senator David Vitter will never resign, it seems. Why resign? He only fucked one of the DC Madam’s whores. Or maybe… maybe there was a history of sleeping with prostitutes? Well, in the video above from Hustler, ex-Lousiana prostitute Wendy Yow Ellis (working name: Wendy Cortez) discusses her history of sleep-ins with Vitter in the late 1990s, when he was a mere state legislator. No titties, though. You’ll have to buy the January Hustler for that. more »

4:22 PM ON FRI NOV 9 2007
BY JIM NEWELL
3,115 views, 41 comments

Latest by trai_dep: @andrewsmash: You need the A-class freaks with serious money to get the creepy, dominatrix style conservative craziness. Or as they whimsically call it in Orange County, CA, Tuesday night. more »

To Do

Jay-Z to Hopefully Not Perform Any "Kingdom Come" Songs in DC

Friday

* Pigs and Battleships @ the Freer Gallery, “a favorite of Susan Sontag, Imamura’s ‘first genuine masterpiece’ (film scholar David Desser) is a scathing view of postwar Japan. It takes the perspective of a young couple trying to make a life together in a grubby port town where getting ahead depends on petty crime or working for the prostitution industry serving the US navy ships docked in the harbor.” Free, 7PM. [Freer and Sackler Galleries] more »

4:06 PM ON FRI NOV 9 2007
309 views, 1 comment

Rules of the Road

A Guide to Open Container Laws

FROM JALOPNIK.COM: [Knowing your rights as a motorist is as important as knowing which pedal to hit when a tree looms. In a new, weekly feature called "Rules of the Road," Jalopnik's own political and legal wonk Matt Hardigree will cover the auto-related statutes that govern operation, registration and ownership of... more »

3:45 PM ON FRI NOV 9 2007
3,480 views, 54 comments

UFOs and shit

Former Arizona Governor Joins UFO-Sighting Craze

Aliens were big enough of an issue at the Democratic debate two weeks ago that Tim Russert decided to end the night with a discussion of them. But even if you laughed at Dennis Kucinich and Bill Richardson discussing their UFO sightings in their attempts to make themselves even less unelectable, they’ve now got more political verification — this time, from ex-Arizona Governor Fife Symington (“Fife,” yes), who claimed he saw a UFO in 1997. Arizona is like the rich man’s New Mexico, so if you didn’t believe Bill Richardson, you better start paying attention now. more »

3:43 PM ON FRI NOV 9 2007
BY JIM NEWELL
1,070 views, 35 comments

Latest by Turboner: Why in the cosmos would Aliens be interested in anything the fratricidal clusterfuck that is humanity has to offer? I'm not saying they aren't out there, I'm just saying that if they were, I'm sure they would find a more meaningful more »

Wonk'd

John Boehner, Always With the Tobacco!

This week, George Allen, John Boehner, Kate Obeirne and Kiefer Sutherland were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump. more »

3:08 PM ON FRI NOV 9 2007
942 views, 3 comments

the anti-jesuser?

Psst... Bob Jones University Secretly Hates Mitt Romney

In an attempt to quell angry God people from getting all self-righteous (good luck!), Mitt Romney held an invitation-only event with students, faculty and alumni of Bob Jones University Tuesday. Guess he figured that since it was a closed event, whatever private revelations about his campaign that would be discussed would never in a million years reach the press. And who wouldn’t believe that!? Sure enough, some sleuth at the meeting sneaked in an “audio recording device” — they can tape soundz people make! — and leaked it to CNN. Basic point: School Chancellor Bob Jones III endorsed Mitt Romney but by and large hates him. more »

2:44 PM ON FRI NOV 9 2007
BY JIM NEWELL
3,349 views, 40 comments

Latest by Zhubajie: @dariaclone: Too bad the site NOBOJO.com has left the Web! Zhu Bajie more »

Wonkette Sponsors Are Loving Blowvember

Thanks to our sponsors this week for taking us on a field trip to see a famous bathroom. more »

wacky fridays

Looking For a Good Time This Weekend?

Oh hey Wonkette readers, I’m out for the rest of the day. Got a big… appointment… in Northern Virginia. Biiiiig interview, yep. [30-minute pause]. Damnit, Kucinich got there before me. [Craigslist]

1:43 PM ON FRI NOV 9 2007
BY JIM NEWELL
761 views, 25 comments

assassins running wild

George Wallace Shooter Randomly Freed from Prison

Arthur Bremer — the would-be assassin who shot Alabama’s racist (depending on the time of day) Gov. George Wallace in 1972 — was released from a Maryland prison this morning after 35 years of doing time. But he can’t go gallivanting all willy-nilly like anytime soon! According to the terms of his release, “Bremer must stay away from any local, state, federal or foreign elected officials and any current candidates.” He is welcome to shoot anyone else, though. more »

1:10 PM ON FRI NOV 9 2007
BY JIM NEWELL
1,321 views, 27 comments

Latest by Zhubajie: @SloppyCronkite: They're in office. Zhu Bajie more »

shirt of the day

You're With Me, Leather

FROM GAWKERSHOP.COM: Today's shirt is the famous You're With Me, Leather, once worn on MTV's TRL. Plus, like all of our shirts, it's super soft 100% cotton, made by American Apparel in LA. What more could you want? Looking for something else? We have plenty of other shirts, too. more »

12:50 PM ON FRI NOV 9 2007
2,428 views

major endorsements

Popular Ohio Gov. Endorses Hillz

Ohio Democratic Gov. Ted Strickland has endorsed Hillary Clinton. Strickland, a rare life form known as a “moderate,” is one of the most popular politicians out there, enjoying high approval ratings from both sides of the spectrum in a crucial swing state. So congrats to Hillary on her special day! Pls send pix kthxbye.

Ohio Governor to Endorse Clinton [AP]

12:34 PM ON FRI NOV 9 2007
BY JIM NEWELL
394 views, 13 comments

Gossip Roundup

WTF, Kiefer Sutherland's Still Here?

Reliable Source: Getting invited to the Lions for Lambs premiere party doesn’t mean you’ll be anywhere near the stars…Harriette Walters is the latest suspect in the case of the $52,000 Louis Vuitton bag. [WP]
Yeas and Nays: Fight Night done right..Kiefer Sutherland becoming DC’s biggest bar hopper…Don’t call Sheila Johnson a billionaire…”Good-looking blond” on the prowl for a Bachelor…Michael Bloomberg’s DC office gets a pet fish. [Examiner]
Shenanigans: Rudy Giuliani is a big fan of “BONE-O”. [Politico]
The Sleuth: Rep. John Yarmuth gets his button taken away. [WP]

12:14 PM ON FRI NOV 9 2007
192 views, 3 comments

Latest by Lionel Hutz Esq.: First you allow water-boarding, the next thing you know, you are sentencing drunks to Washington D.C. to go bar hopping. What happened to our humanity? more »

sex fantasies of wapo bloggers

The Post's Top Sexual Political Scandals EVARR

Over at “The List,” the WaPo’s awkward discussion forum, they’ve published their “Top 10 Sexual Politician Scandals.” Yes, yes, stop the clamoring, I’ll just tell you: It’s #7. You are talking about the 1831 Petticoat Affair, right? Oh. Anyway, full list after the jump. more »

11:52 AM ON FRI NOV 9 2007
BY JIM NEWELL
2,682 views, 49 comments