2006 Screaming Energy Drink Awards
Coolest Packaging| Radioactive Energy Hands down! It glows in the dark, and appears at parties with Rocky Balboa. Fans of Biohazard get +1 intellect to head or chest. Don't be caught at a trendy party with a non-glow-in-the-dark can, or they're all going to laugh at you. |
Best Women's Energy Drink
| Damzl Fuel With the influx of energy drinks aimed at women in 2006, we decided they should receive an award. Tab wasn't even in the running, and Go Girl actually got a higher rating, but I did give them bonus points for their contributions to breast cancer research. Overall, I think Damzl wins by a hair. Rip it was supposed to have a women's energy drink that got rave reviews at a convenience store tradeshow, but the person in control of that product line didn't feel our reviews were important enough to help us get our hands on a couple of cans. |
Best Value
| Blue Streak You won't be the coolest kid at band camp drinking Blue Streak, but at least you'll have extra bucks to buy Magic: The Gathering cards. As good as most other drinks on the market for under $1. |
Most Original
| Fortify Energy Plus Ingredients mix when you open the can. Uncarbonated, but full of flavor, this drink is bringing sexy back. Fortify is like the Wii of 2006 energy drinks. |
Most Energy
| Rockstar Zero Carb This is really no contest. Rockstar should consider working with Novartis to call this "NoDoz Energy Drink". This stuff could keep Ted Kennedy coherent, after an all-night (every night) bender. |
2006 Screaming Energy Drink Not-So-Awards
Worst Taste| Source Burn Like licking a toilet at the Jolly Rancher reject fruit flavor testing facility, this is the pinnacle of nasty fake fruit flavorness. You'll want to eat nickles to get the taste out of your mouth. |
Least Energy
| Korean Ginseng Drink I personally think that Ginseng is a useless ingredient for everyone but males over 55. I think people expect to see it in the ingredients, but this drink is a shining example of its uselessness. An entire root in a bottle, and it's as energizing as a fish stick. |