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Added 2007-09-10 19:48:51

Bomba Sugarfree

Nutrition Information:
Size: 8.4oz. · Serving Size: 8.4oz. Calories: 6 · Carbs: 0g · Sodium: 60mg

Ratings:
Angie and Jason Rating: 3.5 out of 10 0.00 out of 10 from 0 reviewers

Can Text:

Watch out A-Team, the grenade bottle is back. With a whole new, not-so-awe-inspiring flavor. Bomba Sugarfree boasts the standard grenade shape, and pull pin cap. Otherwise, all glass with a single band label.

Active Ingredients *Per can, not per serving:
Substandard (IMHO) 80mg of caffeine, 1000mg of taurine, 20mg of inositol, 19.7mg of niacin, 5mg B6, 5mg Panthothenic acid, 1.3mg of B2, 5micrograms of B12

Angie's Review:
Bomba Sugarfree tastes mostly like unsweetened lemon water. Lots of tart, and very little enjoyment. Bomba Sugarfree is fairly carbonated.

I was not very energized by Bomba Sugarfree either. With about as much caffeine as a cup of coffee, my energy radar barely blipped.

At $1.89, there are a slew of other energy drinks I would buy instead. Namely any of the other great tasting Bomba products. All-in-all, I'm not a fan of this drink. It's a chore to consume, very little energy, and costs too much.

Jason's Review:
I received these glass grenades in the mail, and immediately declared war on my new neighbor. I knew he was secretly planning to violate our armistice. Once I saw two Big Wheels arrive under the cover of dark last week, it was glaringly obvious we were looking at a guerilla warfare situation. Unfortunately, all the Bomba grenades were duds, and I was only able to knock the side mirror off one Big Wheel by sheer force and weight. I was able to go into his yard, and collect my unbroken Bombas, golf balls, chicken bones, and threatening letters while he was gone to work.

I decided to drink one of the Bombas, and I regretted this decision shortly thereafter. It's a lot like licking the inside of an unsweetened lemonade koolaid packet. Certainly the worst of the Bomba series of drinks.

Things didn't improve after I got over the taste. Bomba Sugarfree is as energizing as a Grizzlies game. After drinking it, I almost mustered the strength to get out of the house when my neighbor set it on fire.

This drink is too expensive. You have to be rich to afford Bomba Sugarfree, which makes me pity the rich. If this is what the spoiled kids I grew up with had to drink, I can see why they are such liberal ignoranuses.

Added 2007-08-28 17:07:55

Bookoo Energy Punch

Nutrition Information:
Size: 16.0oz. · Serving Size: 8oz. Calories: 120 · Carbs: 30g · Sodium: 15mg

Ratings:
Angie and Jason Rating: 7 out of 10 4.50 out of 10 from 6 reviewers

Can Text:

The red, white and blue can will leave no question to terrorists that you're a gas burning, nascar watching, DVD ripping, cat stir-frying, vampire hunting, girlfriend stalking, self mutilating American Gladiator. (But not Lace, cause that's not a very gladiatorial name) The can touts that it contains Ginseng, B Vitamins, and Taurine. Interestingly, this is one of the few cans that specifies that "not intended to diagnose, treat, or prevent any disease"; unlike the multitude of other energy drinks that are able to diagnose. It's just as well, Bookoo isn't covered by my HMO without a referral from my primary physician.

Active Ingredients *Per can, not per serving:
Caffeine, Taurine (1030 mg per serving), Niacin (20mg per serving), B6 (5mg per serving), B12 (5mcg per serving), Pantothenic Acid (5mg per serving), Panax Ginseng (103 mg per serving), Dextrose, D- Glucuronolactone, Inositol, L-Carnitine

Angie's Review:
For the most part, energy drinks come in a few flavors, Monsterish, Red Bullish, Orange/Pineapple Juicish, Colaish, Citrusish, and Turdish. Anything that deviates from these "norms" is automatically getting a gold star from me. Bookoo takes the 6th dimension, and bends it to an alternate reality where all energy drinks aren't exactly the same. Now if only I could warp the 4th dimension back to all the times I picked up a turd like Nature's Nitro2Go or Stinger Enraged Raspberry Energy Drink. Since apparently Bookoo is the only group aware of how to warp time and space, my hands are tied on this one.

Seriously, I'd say Bookoo Energy Punch is a homerun, and not fake steroid homeruns like Barry Bonds hits, but real Silver Bullet homeruns like Hank Aaron hit. I can't say that my life will be forever changed by the caffeine content of this drink, but the taste alone is worth my $2.08.

If you're like me, and you've drank about a bathtub of Monster in your lifetime, then you'll also enjoy the super freshly flavor of Bookoo Energy Punch.

Jason's Review:
You might not expect Bookoo Energy Punch to be carbonated, but you might also not expect that America's Funniest Home video would involve a wiffle ball bat and genitals. In both cases, you would be wrong. You know what they say about when you "assume" something. You're not always right.

It tastes pretty much like a refreshing carbonated Minute Maid fruit punch. In my opinion, this is a good thing. It's surprising no one thought of this earlier. I mean, everyone wants to mix energy drinks with alcohol. What teen show from 1980 to present day hasn't had a party where someone spikes the punch? Speaking of punch, who has a raging high school kegger with a bowl of punch? For that matter, how does one kid's flask of "booze" get a whole party completely smashed? To me "spike" means adding something unwelcome to the punch bowl, like anti-freeze, Tab, or The View.

I experienced no profound energy boost, but it was on par with most other energy drinks. The originality of the taste makes this drink worth at least trying. I know I'd forgotten how good carbonated punch can be. Give it a try, who knows, you might see why all those hot teen parties always have punch bowls.

Added 2007-08-23 23:45:35

Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Cherry Charge Energy Drink

Nutrition Information:
Size: 16.0oz. · Serving Size: 8oz. Calories: 120 · Carbs: 30g · Sodium: 0mg

Ratings:
Angie and Jason Rating: 1 out of 10 2.62 out of 10 from 8 reviewers

Can Text:

After the name, was there any more room for text? Seriously, it says pretty much the same thing as Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Asian Experience Energy Drink.

Active Ingredients *Per can, not per serving:
Cordyceps (oh good, I love parasites in my drink), B-Vitamins, Ginseng, Goji berry (in the family Solanaceae, which also includes deadly nightshade, and tobacco), and guarana. Mmmmm, this sounds appetizing.

Also, there's natural caffeine, as opposed to synthetic caffeine.

On a positive note (the only one), it's got no sodium. Then again, maybe that's what it's missing to keep it from tasting like rot and death.

Angie's Review:
"It's made with lighting, real lightning". Anyway, it also contains whatever Oingo Boingo contained that made them suck so bad. There's only one ingredient that could make something so detestable. I don't think it's been identified yet, but researchers are investigating The Insane Clown Posse to see if they can isolate the gay gene and this teh ultimate suck. I would tell you what this drink tastes like, but I could hardly get it past my nose before my gag reflex kicked in. What I did taste was something like motor oil, syrup of ipecac, and cherry robitussin that went bad.

Apparently super ninjas like Steven Seagal don't have taste buds, and if they formulate an energy drink they need only concern themselves with how cool they look in their "Mortal Kombat Toasty" cameo appearance in the corner of the can. Despite my pressing the "start" button, I was not transported to a new arena to face smoke.

I can only say two positive things about this drink. It did not kill me, then again, I drank next to none of it, and it didn't come with an Insane Clown Posse CD, iTunes gift card to download ICP tracks, or free ICP ringtones and screensavers. Where's the Faygo?

Jason's Review:
I too was not man enough to drink this entire "beverage". I'd imagine Vitameatavegamin tastes a lot like Stephen Seagal's drinks. While I was drinking it, I was looking for hidden cameras; this was clearly a bad joke. Surely nothing that tastes this bad can be used for anything other than killing rats. The word "repugnant" comes off as a compliment when describing how rancid this drink is.

Assuming I've made it abundantly clear that the taste is horrible, I have no idea if it's energizing. Since I'd rather strip the skin off my face with a soup ladle than to ever attempt to raise this product to my face again, I'll never know if it's energizing. I'm going to fairly give it a poor energy score, since being drinkable should be a requirement of any beverage.

By the same token, it's also getting a horrible value rating. Your friends should pay you to drink this, like when you drank that bottle of Tabasco at the local Steak and Shake, trying to impress that girl (errr guy maybe?) your friend picked up at that dive with no walls separating the sit down toilet stalls in the women's bathroom. I mean, who voted we go see 4 non-blondes anyway, and what were you doing in the women's bathroom?

Added 2007-08-15 20:30:28

Sugar Free Savage Energy

Nutrition Information:
Size: 16.0oz. · Serving Size: 8oz. Calories: 5 · Carbs: 1g · Sodium: 115mg

Ratings:
Angie and Jason Rating: 7.5 out of 10 6.24 out of 10 from 17 reviewers

Can Text:

Best when cold. Sugar Free Savage Energy, taste the untamed energy of Monster...I mean Savage, and feel the power. The jungle is yours to roam, yours to rule. Release the Monster...I mean Savage in you! The sugar free blue and black theme bear a MONSTERously strong resemblance to another beverage on the market. This comes in a pretty nice bottle with a MONSTEROUS mouth opening.

Active Ingredients *Per can, not per serving:
Taurine (1000mg), caffeine, inositol, guarana extract, vitamin C, Riboflavin, Niacin, B6, B12, Maltodextrin, L-Carnitine-L-Tartrate (no idea what this is), D-Glucuronolactone

Angie's Review:
Firstly, the mouth on this bottle is almost as big as Jason's, but energy drink comes out of Savage's mouth, and only peanutty turdlettes of stupidity come out of Jason's mouth. I may be the only one, but I prefer energy drink. I know we've had some fun mocking the similarities to Monster Lo-Carb, but I didn't intend for us to have any fun. I was dead serious, it's Monster Lo-Carb in a bottle (albeit a fantastic bottle).

It's pretty energizing, some of the usual suspects, and some new ones "L-Carnitine-L-Tartrate", which apparently is for the transport of fatty acids (Carnitine), and antioxidant (Tartrate). I am becoming increasingly distraught by manufacturers not disclosing mg of caffeine.

At $1.99, this is pretty much Monster Lo-Carb with a jungle cat on the front. If you prefer bottles and cats to cans and the letter "M", you will prefer Savage over Monster. Otherwise, there's no real difference.

Jason's Review:
Did we already do the "Monster" joke? Oh, ok. Well, your mom drinks Sugar Free Savage Energy. I think you just got told. Anyway, I personally think this does have a lot in common with Monster, but I think this has a tarter flavor. I feel a little sick after drinking this, perhaps one of the not-so-common ingredients doesn't agree with me.

When I was finished drinking this, I never wanted to drink Savage again, in a way that is similar to never wanting to smoke another menthol after my first Salem full flavor 100. In a similar way, if I needed caffeine enough, I'd knock another one of these back as quickly as I'd smoke a broken Sonoma Menthol off the floor at the Waffle House if I was having a nic fit.

For $1.99, I could buy pretty much any energy drink, and this one doesn't do a whole lot to set itself apart from the others. The only thing I have to say about this bottle is that it makes a nice plastic club for beating things if you hold it upside down by the neck.

Added 2007-08-09 15:54:52

Bomba Ruby Orange Energy

Nutrition Information:
Size: 8.4oz. · Serving Size: 8.4oz. Calories: 110 · Carbs: 28g · Sodium: 60mg

Ratings:
Angie and Jason Rating: 5.5 out of 10 6.00 out of 10 from 5 reviewers

Can Text:

Bomba Berry comes in the same fun style package as Bomba Black Currant.

Active Ingredients *Per can, not per serving:
100mg of taurine, 62.5mg of caffeine, vitamins C and B6, as well as some niacin.

Angie's Review:
This is my least favorite of the Bomba franchise of drinks. I'm not sure what "ruby orange" is even supposed to be. Is it cherry flavor? Is it orange flavor? Is it Dido flavor? Who knows? I tasted it, and I'd say cherry is the closest estimation to the taste, with Dido coming in a close second. The intense, enjoyable tartness is still there, but this pales in comparison to the other flavors.

As usual with Bomba, about the same as a cup of coffee on energy. Not a lot to write home about, but it's enjoyable to drink.

Jason's Review:
Nothing like a drink that makes your mouth look like a $20 hooker. Bright red lips and a healthy glob of smeared red residue embody both sexiness and professionalism. FYI, the Ferrari red after-face is best accented with a mullet, red stained filter Doral full flavor 100 (preferably with about 2 inches of ash arcing off the end), and a shirt that says "Tickle this Elmo" with a arrow pointing to your neither regions.

The taste is pretty good. I like that it's tart, but the blue and black flavors were far better.

Bomba beverages as a whole are not very energizing. I drink them strictly for taste, and extra cool packaging.

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